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Well i guess this is good bye 2 us both |
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No matter how u might love someone they'll never understand... that's how i feel. 2 keep a record it 's 5:29, on this sunday morning... i basicly got in 2 an arguement wit my boyfriend about a lot, like how i feel about how his actions 2 certain things, and what hurts me. i know he's had a lot "on his plate" and on his mind so i tried not 2 stress it as much but things got a lil outta control wit words anyway, when we spoke about the times we thought of one another probably cheating but only i accused him. I came there physically and in person and told him sorry and that i was wrong because i acted on my 1st impulse, not thinking, plus times i use2 just cry almost every night because he was always doing or saying something wrong, i told him i way going through alot at the time wit him emotionaly and 4 some girl i knew 2 tell me he was messing around wit her, that drew me crazy. Then it went 2 the fact that i had go away 2 college and i said that when i go we might have 2 be friends... He flipped out saying omg she was right (i guess he was talking about his mother) and he said so wanna leave me! So u wanna do all kinds of things wit some other guys!!! u kno wat bye, then i said wat! wat r u saying bye 4?! he still continued and said bye Ade i'm sorry i wasted ur year, and i said why r u doing this, he said because, u actin like u don't give a s**t about me 2 say that, then i said wait a minute! R U trying 2 say im a loose girl or something?(i never slept wit other guys, i find it very nasty or discusting) He just kept talkin over me, he was like i don't kno wat u'd be doin!!! He wouldn't let me talk and i got so mad and said, u kno wat! DON'T TALK 2 ME ANYMORE! and hung up...i layed there 4 a while looked at the phone... and thought ok i over reacted, but more anger came over me when the only thing that i want is 4 him 2 wait 4 me, until i get out of my 4 or 5 years of college, because i do really love him, even though he don't have much money, and we bearly have go out 2 new and excited places, guess he'll never kno that. Plus the experience i've had wit him even seriously makes me not wanna date or touch any one, like i've touched him, emotional and physical... But he wouldn't let me explain, he kept talkin over me... So i got pissed. but Back 2 when i said anger came over me and i thought about everything i wanted 2 say and how i feel, i turned off my phone... after that went on the computer, like i am now and i went 2 his myspace 2 c his pics 4 the last time, then wrote this entry. Like i guess 4 the fact that i didn't trust him about that girl (her names marsha)4 only that day and apologized, just 4 me going away he doesn't trust me... he this is my closure... my ******** up closure. And wat's funny, i shoulda listened 2 my Ex- boyfriend Naheem (we're just friends) when i told him about the girl situation and me flippin out, he told me no matter how much u said sorry and how much he says it's ok, he'll wind up doin the same 2 u because he'll always be mad at u 4 that. He was right, but except i left him and not coming back or i guess we agreed not 2 see each other ( because he said bye anyway at 1st (sighs) so... i hope he has a nice life, hope he finds someone more 4 him, and becomes happy again, as 4 me i can't see myself seriously going out wit anyone almost ever, but hey only God decides what happens 4 us all right? If me and him ever talk again we're either maybe be friends or accuantances after a very long time, maybe if i even speak 2 him ever again.
 ms.kisses8 · Sun Apr 22, 2007 @ 11:36am · 0 Comments |
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