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Things are going downhill... T.T Dang.. Not again. |
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Yep.. I am all sad and depressed again.. And yep.. I sound like a little starving Emo-othian child that needs pennies a day to keep me from putting a gun to my head, pulling the trigger and listening to my brain go squish. X3 So, let me fill you in on what has been happening as of late. :3
Since July, I have had no itnernet. That is because I moved out of the place that I was living in last. I decided to not get internet because I cannot afford it right this very moment.. Nor is it a big priority for me right now. My biggest problem right now is to just stick with what I have.
Since I've moved in to that "newer" place, I have been living with my dad and his friend Kristine. Now, my dad has high bloodpressure and refuses to see the doctor in order to get his medication. He also has Bi-polarism. Once again, he refuses to do anything about that as well. He just figgures that if he is working, nothing can go wrong. *Presses the magical beeping button that is found on most game shows* WRONG! And that is startign to wear on me. I don't know about you, but when your only parent that is left alive is workign themself to death.. you tend to get a little worried. And that is not all.
Now. ever since I moved in, I have been defending Kristine because she used to do drugs int he past. But for some odd reason, I decided to give her the benifit of the doubt. Well now I just cannot do that anymore. She's become to unstable-- and for those of you who have seen what is going on. You KNOW that her actions are not because of medapause ((SP?))-- and she is starting to shread the last bit of my sanity to little tiny pieces. She's using once again.. And I am not to impresed with her at the moment. :/ She told me that she wouldn't use again,a nd I was dumb enough to give her sympathy. i refuse to do that for her anymore.
The last straw was four days ago. She got a massive bladder infection from something unknown. If you want, you re welcome to use your imaginations. I just prefer not to. >,<;;; Anyways, I spent three days in HELL! I had to take the friggin' strongest sleeping pills on the market to get some sleep! And I don't know about you, but those things can knock you on your a**. I was so knocked out that I didn't hear Kristine screaming for help for 2 and a half hours. >,<;; And I never did forgive myself for it either.. So please, no bitching me out. I know that it was my fault for taking sleepin pills and I know that it was my fault that she didn't get any help. I feel bad enough already. Anyways, I was looking after her for the rest of the time before she went to the hospital last morning. She was having a massive drug trip and the nurses stuck me in there with her. I just couldn't handle that anymore and left. I don't know if anyone thinks that is the right thing to do, and perosnally, I don't even care. I just cound't handle her freaking out anymore.
Not to mention that I am starting to have massive anxiety attacks because I think all of the thigns happening in my life are starting to effect me again.
Just the other night I was watching Dog The Bounty Hunter--Yes.. Make fun if you will. I just like to watch it because Beth is freakin' awsome and Leland is funny as hell. --And they aired the episode where Beth's father died. I could not stop crying I got so upset. It sounds stupid, but I think I had a pretty goo reason. You see, two months before her father died, she said how she hated leaving because she keeps thinking that was the last time she was going to ever see her father. I said the exact same thing a couple of months before my mom died. And then when they had the funeral, her dad was cremated and stored in a box. Just like how my mom is. The worst part was when she patted the box and said, "This here is my father." That part was the part that got me the most. Once again, it was the exact same thing I said when I got my mom back. :/
So yes.. I feel kinda shitty.. But I will survive.
Anyways, I think I've been writing for long enough now. So I am going to go offline and eat my dinner. Hope to read some replies when I get back. :3
 quayla666 · Sun Mar 11, 2007 @ 01:13am · 4 Comments |
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