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Vday = Veterans Day?
Well, its almost coming upon the day that every guy dreads.....yes thats right, I mean Valentines day. This will be my first valentines day with Michelle and Im really nervous about it. I dont know what she likes in terms of gifts so I dont know what to get her. Ive even used my friend torree to spy for me and ask her what she likes, but Michelle found out and avoided the answer stressed . I want this day to be special for both of us cause I want to show her how much I care and love her. I know you sinics out there say that, "you've only been together for a few months, how can you love her so much?" Well I do. Michelle, for some reason Im oblivious to, loves me more than anyone has. I know this has been hard on her for many reasons and ive been there for her, I just want to show her that she doesnt need to worry anymore, Ill always be here no matter what happens. Im nervous about this too. Because Michelle has had a bad past I want this day to show her that Im in it for the long haul, that Im here to support her and be with her through all that she has to go through. Ive had several bad relationships in the past 5 years. From a gf cheating on me with he friends and than breaking up with me while he was on the phone with us to a gf that cheated on me with my brother. I havent had any good luck with love. Love has literally beaten me with a stick and put me to shame. Im ashamed to say though that I dont know what love is. I thought I knew. Writing this right now, I know michelle will read this and wonder why, but I myself dont know either. I care immensly for her and have feelings for her, I call them love, and I know theyre love, but what does love feel like? My whole life as been full of hurt from family to friends to relationships. Love never came into the picture for me. I thought it was just something people said. I thought I felt it before, but I was wrong. But that is something that changed when I met Michelle. I thought to myself, "why does this amazing woman love me, the dope, lazy, fat, ugly man who is unemployeed and still living at home?" I couldnt shake it. As we started dating longer, I still wondered why she was with me. But than tonight, I think I came to a realization. I think I know what love is. I think love isnt a actual feeling. I think its a thought. I think its knowing that there is someone who cares for you dispite all your shortfalls and wants to be with you just because you make them happy. I cant say this is true for all, I cant say this is true for even me. But for the past 3 months this is what I have felt. If this is what I want to call love, than yes, I love Michelle, I do with all my heart. No person has shown such care and depth for me as she has in the little time I have known her. And im scared. Im scared I could lose it all. I know in the past it hasnt been me that has broken up with my ex's, its all been them leaving me. But I feel that there was something that I did, something I dont know consciously, to push them away. That is was scares me. Michelle says I havent done anything wrong yet between us and I know, that soon, or one day, something will happen. Be it my stupidity or an action. I dont want to ******** up what I have with her because I love her. I WANT to be with her. I LOVE HER!! Im sure after reading this, she may be cry. I hope that she understands that this was in no way anything bad, just me getting feelings off my chest and trying to understand things going on in my head. I want to make this upcoming Valentines Day one that I can remember for years to come. Yes, that's right, I want years. I want to be with you Michelle, for as long as we can be together. I will fight for you, I will protect you. I know it sounds lame, but its true. I dont want to let you. So for now, Ill just leave it at that and say good night. My the force be with you.
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Community Member