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I can´t believe this, my life was never easy, since little i always had to deal with lot of pressure and stress, been sick most of the time, been in coma, even died twice, my heart just stopped, and even doctors lost hope, but i came back by myself, people i love and care are always abandoning me or dying, cursed in love, now i had to grow always with some kind of problem, i have absolutely no memory of being ever happy when i was a child, now at the age of 25, i´m even worst, i´m unemployed, looking for a job for so log with no luck, my money is ending, the first person i ever truly loved died, and i blame myself for that, i could have tried harder to save her, i´m sure of it...I have age enough already to have learn something from my past...But now i just lost someone, someone i care about, someone that helped me more than i´ll be able to repay, and all because of my stupidity...All because of a stupid role play in gaia...It was stupid and i didn't liked it at all, i was gonna stop it...I don't like that kind of role play, and i was feeling uncomfortable with it and made a mistake to try to stop it without playing it along, i don't like to hurt people...But in that case i should have just said stop, i´m not liking this stuff...And i was gonna say it, but i just made the stupid mistake of wait for the other person to stop it first...Whats wrong with me? I always hurt those that are important to me...
That important person that i think i may have lost due to that stupid role play told me to stop feeling sorry for myself...But it´s not sorry i feel...It´s hate, i hate myself, i hate the way i deal with those i care...I´m just better off dead...Why did i came back to life twice, if i only hurt those i care?
Why am not allowed to have a single moment of happiness?
******** me, i don´t deserve her friendship and trust... I hate all that i am...I hate...