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The Journal with No Name
Fear and Love (Interlude): Archangel
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(Note to anyone who's reading this: If you haven't read the previous chapters, please do so... or you may not understand what's going on here.)

October 27-November 23, 2006


Ever since I found out that Vamp had a twin brother, I'd always wondered what he was like. Now that I had his e-mail address, I could satisfy my curiosity, at least partially. (Of course there's no substitute for a face-to-face encounter-- but since he lived in a different state, this would have to do.)

I sent him an e-mail about the objects and symbolism-- particularly the disappearing birds-- used in the "desert" scene from Stalker. It was my favorite scene, but I had a bit of trouble understanding the deeper, more subtle meanings of the scene elements. Thus began an exchange of messages to and from Vamp's twin; I'll refer to him as Archangel, because he's named after one.

When I received his first reply, I was quite thrilled. Although my only contact with him was by e-mail, and later by instant messaging, it was evident that he was a kind-hearted, pleasant guy who was into Tarkovsky just as much as his brother. On the whole, he seemed to me like a more mellowed, chilled-out version of Vamp. Even in his e-mails or instant messages, Vamp was very serious and analytical; in contrast, Archangel would usually crack a joke or two.

Sometimes, the topic of our conversation would gravitate towards Vamp, and it became clear that the brothers were extremely close. On one occasion, we discussed the film Solaris, where the characters encountered alien copies of people from their past.

"I'd like to meet a copy of someone from my past," I typed into the message window. "I might learn how to treat them better, like Chris (the hero of the movie) learned how to care about the copy of his wife."

"A copy of yourself would be even better," came the reply from Archangel.

"That would be scary!" I typed, almost recoiling in my seat. I couldn't possibly imagine myself having fun with a copy of me-- someone with my bizarre sense of humor, ever-shifting moods, and twisted logic. "What would YOU do with a copy of yourself?" I asked him.

"A lot." There was a pause, and even though I couldn't see him, I felt that he might have smiled softly. "I already have a copy of myself. I have Vamp."

I couldn't resist grinning. "But you're not identical," I said. "Vamp is scary, and you're not."

"Scary? Really?" Another pause. "Preoccupied, but not scary."

"Sometimes, in class, I'd worry that he was going to kill someone with his pen," I continued.

"He becomes too passionate sometimes," said Archangel. "He wants to change all of philosophy."

I chuckled. That made sense. Vamp's discussions usually veered towards topics that weren't covered in our course material, especially the importance of changing our view of the world. "When there is a problem, and there are many alternatives to that problem but none of them is viable, then you have to think that the framework of that problem is wrong," he would usually say. "Therefore you must change the framework!" With that, he would dominate the floor like a veteran orator, leaving the class too mesmerized to speak a word until it was time to dismiss us.

The more I thought about it, the more I came to see that I was looking at Vamp in the wrong light. My classmates and I feared Vamp, not because he meant to frighten us-- but because we were unpolished and inexperienced, and couldn't grasp how or why a person could be so focused, so wholehearted, so dedicated to his work. I thought he was snippy in class, which would sometimes make him look like he was about to snap off some unfortunate student's head; Archangel pointed out that he was merely being excited, absorbed in the task of getting his point across. Sometimes, he would appear detached, and people would be unwilling to approach him because he seemed sealed off from the world by an invisible wall. Archangel explained that he was always busy-- his preoccupation with his thoughts would cause him to briskly brush past people as if walking straight through them, as if they didn't exist. He wasn't being hostile; he was simply wrapped up in his contemplations.

It wasn't easy for me to fully grasp these things, but thanks to Archangel, I eventually did.

It's said that people fear what they don't understand. Archangel helped me to understand the person I both admired and feared; and in time, as my understanding grew, the fear diminished. For this, I will forever be grateful.

Thanks, Archangel.

-end of interlude-





 
 
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