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I can't make my tablet and my photo shop work right >< grrr, I've read like two thousand tutorials, and for some reason I just don't have the options they have and the tools >< grr, I haven't been able to make my tablet work the way I want it to since I've gotten it, I can't make the pressure sensitivity work, or even keep a steady hand with it, I have photo shop cs2, which is supposed to be awesome but I just can't make it work.
On top of that, it's the holidays, it's christmas for crying out loud and I am missing my friends so much, there's no one else in the world I would rather spend my time with, and even my boyfriend who actually lives here is gone to visit his mom until the first. Like I have my mom and that's great, but I'm in a house with a family I don't even know, and I want my family, my two beautiful 'sisters', my real family, I miss everyone so bad, and here I am on christmas breaking down. I miss them all so much...
and I can't even make my tablet work, and as I said, the one person I could go to here in this town, is gone and I miss him, and I need him here, but his family is doing christmas and I shouldn't be distracting him, and ruining everyone else's christmas.
I miss my home. It's been 3 months since I've been here, and I want them, I want them so bad I miss them so much it hurts.
I just can't keep this daily life juggling up, I'm losing concentration, I've just been slipping and I miss them so much. I just don't know what to do with myself, I feel alone and like I'm losing my reasons for being here. At least I have Matt now, but he's not here right now, and it's killing him knowing that he can't be here for me right now, so not only am I ruining my christmas I am ruining his too. I need him right now, so bad, just to bring me back.
Argh... I should quit relying on people, people don't make very good homes, they tend to move around alot, or are faraway when you need them the most.
I need to get better, dinner's soon and last thing I need is people seeing me teary eyed, I don't want to wreck their christmas too.
Mood:home-sick
Music:I greive - Peter Gabriel
Community Member
I've been really messed up lately, I've been slipping and contemplating every move I make, every work I stutter and every thought I think (yes, it's even possible.) I've been missing everyone so much, and I've been trying to get out there to see you, I just...
********.
I don't want to say the wrong things, because the way I see it, is if it can't be like what we had before, then how can I have something different, and get used to having it, and then give it up again? I don't want to get you back, only to give you up a week later. I want to be with you forever.
I need to be with you...forever.