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…I…can’t.
Holy crap.
This is bad.
I found a thread on Gaia FULL of writing prompts, and was all “OMG! New favorite thread! XD” but it’s not working.
It’s…fizzling.
I suppose I should explain:
When I get something I guess some would call “poetic inspiration” I get this warm, comforting, thrilling feeling sort of in my chest. Like, right above my stomach. It’s the same feeling I get whenever I hear about Western European countries. It’s a…familiar feeling, although it’s hard to explain. I <i>can</i> pin-point it if you were to ask me in person. Yes, I know, it <i>does</i> sound stupid. ^^;
Bear with me and my stupidity.
It’s just, lately? I’ll get that feeling walking up Brescia hill, or looking out my window or at other random times and I go “Oh! Yessss!” and pull up a piece of paper, or a blank document, and then? Fizzle.
I don’t know.
What am I doing wrong?
I’ll get the random burst and I write/ type as fast as humanly possible but then my mind/gut goes silent mid-sentence. Mid-word. And anything I <i>do</i> end up finishing is pure crap! I can’t get it back anymore.
And I know my poems weren’t even that good, that it sort of sounds like I’m “blowing my own horn” or something, so I’m sorry. I’m not an excellent writer in anyone’s books, most of all my own. It’s just…I use my poetry to…express. And I can’t now. And it’s getting so frustrating. So <i>god-damned</i> frustrating! And I feel like I’ve swallowed a huge rock now, every time I lose that fire, and it makes me want to gag.
I can’t do it anymore!
Now what?!
Oh my god…this is unthinkable! I…can’t.
And I don’t know how else to express how I feel except that when I loose the fire I want to throw up and so I sit for at least 20 minutes afterwards, just staring out the window wondering what the hell I was writing about and how I could have possibly lost it and then my grandmother comes in and asks if I have earplugs in, ’cause she’s been calling and calling me and I just…sit there! Dumbfounded!
What am I going to do?!
This is <i>no joke</i> to me, but you can giggle and laugh all you want at my “overacting” and “dramatic-ness” and “drama-queen” tendencies, but I don’t care, because I’m truthfully scared.
 blue2draconian · Thu Sep 28, 2006 @ 12:07am · 1 Comments |
