Now I feel like crap... Today started out pretty good... I found out that my step-dad wanted to adopt me in the new year.. That made me happy... It was the best present that I ever got..
We will soon be putting mom's ashes away.. In a way, I wish that they could stay out.. I know that some may find it creepy, but I feel like she is still there with her ashes by my bed when I go and visit my step-dad.. But, he wants to put them away.. And I am willing to do that for him.
I can't wait for this damned year to end.. It's been so harsh.. So many people that I knew and loved died.. Or I nearly lost them.. I am hoping that next year won't be the same.
I found out that one of my older friends lost her father too.. I ran into her a little while ago.. I almost broke down into tears when she told me that her father asked about me until he died... He died from Cancer too... The same Cancer as my mom... I just hope that she'll be alright...
Thank god that christmas is over.. I can't stand family holidays anymore... I've become so bitter now... And that just makes me hate it more... I really wish that these chains of events wouldn't happen so that my life wouldn't be such a living hell...
And to all who are worried about me. Don't be.. Please don't be... I won't do anything stupid.. I can't.. I have too much to live for now... And besides, what kind of person would I be if for years I told people not to commit suicide, then turn around and do it myself? Not a very good person at all...
I know, and I am sorry for not writting in here or the longest time... I've been someplace without internet for a while now.. So sorry.. That's why i am trying to write a long one now... To make up for lost time...
I guess this whole depression thing started with a friend between me and someone in a thread.. I won't mention his name now because I think that he learned his lession... I hope that he feels really bad for what he has said.. That's all I want from him now.. For him to feel as I do, and for him to learn that just because you need intertainment, you shouldn't do it at other's expence.. Expecially like that....
Oh! And it just so happens that I ran into my biological father over the holidays! I hate that man more than anything.. F*CK do I hate him!! Oh well.. It was so wonderful to see him rot in the pit that he crawled into... b*****d deserves it...
Another thing is that I am a little disappointed at my sister... She phoned up my dad a while ago.. Well, more like her boyfriend phoned up my father ((Step)) And said, "I want to talk to Jan" this happened a few months after my mom died... My dad ((Who hates him to death as much as I do)), of coarse upset still from the loss, said, "Well, you can't talk to Jan now because Jan is now dead!" Did Greg say anyhing simpethertic ((SP?)) NOOOO!!!! What he said was, "Oh, okay then" And hands my sister the phone... My sister kept telling him, "Oh, get ____ To call me" And so on... I try to call her. She gave me the wrong phone number! She has my phoen number.. But she never calls...
I guess the whole real reason why I am all stuck up about her phoning is because of that Greg guy.. I hate him.. He hates me.. She knows that.. We know that we hate eachother.. And that's why he doesn't want her to phone me.. Because he knows that I will have a spaz attack and probably murder the f*cker for ever touching my sister and neice..
He once made the awful mistake of raising his hand to my neice.. I grabbed his hand and gave him that look.. You know the one... The look of death.. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "If I ever catch you raising a hand to my neice agian, I am going to kill you in teh worse way possible." The next week.. I was getting kicked out of there.. Go figgure?
I think that I better stop ranting now of memories past.. And get to bed.. Goodngiht all!
 quayla666 · Wed Dec 29, 2004 @ 09:44am · 1 Comments |
