Black Mage
(After his knife bounces repeatedly off Fighter's armor) "What part of being stabbed do you not understand?"
"Apparently the answer to "How many 5th level spells can an experienced wizard cast?" Is not "More than enough to destroy you all and your families." Feh!
"Some people wrestle with their personal demons... I stabbed mine in the back of the head... He was a bleeder...The thing is, it was what Alcholics call an epiphany...Except I'm more a murderholic."
"Rock, paper, scissors in the eye!" (Stabbing tackle)
"When I was the Hell-King, we'd feast on the souls of gluttons. It was like eating murder marinated in sin. It was bliss."
"You don't really practice bleeding to death from six dozen stab wounds. It's just gonna happen.
"Can we kill him now? He's a goth, it's what he wants."
"I find those to be suitable excuses. Your stabbings have become slightly less imminent."
" 'I was using a metaphor.' Someone shut him up before I use a knife."
"The elimination of all witnesses is never a bad idea.
"What a beautiful day. I feel completely rejuvenated. Especially in that I've got a new hadoken for the day so don't try anything especially stupid way."
"We can do this one of two ways. The easy way. Or the excruciatingly painful death for Red Mage way."
"I almost feel sorry for those jerks. But then I remember that I hate them for no particular reason."
"You'd be surprised what a platoon of heartless ninja lawyers can do in favor of a position."
(After stabbing fighter yet agian) "It's what he would have wanted... if he was me."
"You leave me precious little alternative. And I thank you for it (Raises knife)"
(Delirious) "I likes a spot o' honey in me mornin' tea."
"Why don't you go with Thief or something so I can forget that you exist and let the unending tide of rage that I call 'being awake' simmer down to a mere powder keg of fury." [1]
(To Red mage when he's wearing Garland's armor) "Mo' like a +STUPID/+DUMB armor of idiot."
"We have clearly reached a point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us. And my first act as self appointed stabmaster is to slay my comrades."
"I Cooked the turkey with fire-3 set to volcanic for 6 seconds. It was dead for the last five."
"Wow. Red Mage has a lot of blood. But not as much blood as he had five minutes ago."
(To Fighter)"Put the pointy end into the squishy things that scream and bleed."
"Hm. I wonder what that thunderous earth-shaking noise was. Well, I'm sure it wasn't important."[2]
"HADOKEN/BOATDOKEN/MISSILEDOKEN/FIGHTERDOKEN!"[3][4][5][6]
"Er... well, y'know. You can't make an omelette without um... destroying a forest. Or something."[7]
"Urge to destroy world rising."[8]
"I am the Black Mage! I casts the spells that makes the peoples fall down!"[9]
(while in pain) "Ribs... broken. Organs... bleeding. Spleen... still unaccounted for. (wheeeze)"[10]
"DEPLOY THE ROCKET BOAT!"[11]
(After learning that he is no longer the king of Hell) "********]
"Well, at least I shall die as I have lived. Completely surrounded by morons."[13]
"Your words are fire giants besieging the Asgard of my mind."[14]
(after telling the gang that he would never abuse his exclusive rights to the votes just to get rid of Fighter) "(in his mind) Gonna cheat gonna cheat gonna cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat"[15]
"I just want to murder someone, don't weird it up."[16]
"I just remembered that um... I left my magic on... in my house... where I live."[17]
"Hold up here, Cap'n Feather-Hat!"[18]
"Why, it would take some kind of insane megalomaniacal fiend to take pleasure in wielding the tapestry of creation to focus pure energy into reality through nothing more than my own will, the rush of electricity through my being, the power--my God, the power! IT'S THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALIIIIIIIIIVE!"[19]
"Remember, kids. With great power comes great opportunity to abuse that power."[20]
"Lookit me dancin' on top of Fighter's grave! C'mon everybody! Do the Black Mage! 'Specially you, White Mage!"[21]
"Fighter, sword, door, go!"[22]
(After botching an attempt to assassinate his companions) "DAMMIT! I mean, 'Good. I saved my friends. On purpose.'"[23]
"I should have mentioned this at the beginning. I solve my problems through violence."[24]
"You fight for money, I weave occult magiks for money, and you give it all away because you're a moron. Heroes, we ain't."[25]
"I've got black magic, a hair trigger, and a short fuse. Bring it!"[26]
(after Sarda banishes White Mage to a pocket dimension) "Hey, what'd you do with my girlfriend? Well, we made out. At least, we were gonna. I suggested it anyway. Look, I've got access to chloroform, any one of these might have been true. Don't judge me!"[27]
(After being left behind) "I'd be upset if this wasn't everything I ever wanted in life."
"What did I ever do to deserve this as my fate? Other than all the sinning."[28]
"Killing you is going to be the greatest moment of my life."[29]
"I will laugh for a week straight when I finally kill you."[30]
"You continue to breathe only because your existence is amusing to me."[31]
"Thief, tell Red Mage that I am officially ignoring him until he stops acting like a wizard with a staff stuffed up his dark dimension."[32]
"Man, democracy sucks when only one guy is in charge."[33]
"I tried being reasonable. You all saw me. I have no other recourse but to push him into the lava."[34]
"Thanks, Fighter, it's a treat that every day of my life is also the stupidest day of my life."[35]
(thinking, while White Mage is lecturing to him) BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES, MILKCANS
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