HI HEY HELLO ITS ME AGAIN AFTER A MILLION YEARS OF DEATH AND HAPPINESS.
Why do I write? Oh yeah its because I have things on my mind. Usually I don't write anymore but I guess when I have too much on my mind I write it down. On October in sophomore year I got dumped by some kid who I was in love with. Then in March of sophomore year, he came back to me asking to kiss him. We ended up being together for another 5 months. A friend of mine use to say "you guys aren't even official" and although we sort of made it official, he didn't quite know about it. I never told him that we were though… I just kept quiet because inside I felt like we really weren't official.
We did things like hug and kiss and what not but I felt like it wasn't entirely the same. Something felt like he didn't love me as much as I loved him. Of course he was the one who came to me but after how he made me feel, I guess it was a hatred that made me feel that way. Or betrayal.
Well anyways, it happened again. "Honestly this is the worst time to be dating" He said to me. It's true, being a teenager and barely going into junior year after getting grounded for going to a pool party without permission, you don't have a lot of freedom. Especially if you're me. I don't feel as sad as last time, even though I began to bicker at him when he told me I should move on. It's just that he's been in my life for about 2 years and we've been through a roller coaster of feelings…. Well for me anyways. I was never entirely sure how he felt in some situations. I got the chance to ask for a week for him to decide whether he wants to keep this relationship or call it off. Id isn't realize it at the time, but I actually gave myself a week to prepare for the break up. Like I said, Im not as sad as I was last time because last time he actually broke me pretty badly. i mean, I cried for 3 months and spent another 3 trying to find someone else without thinking about him.
He siad he wanted to date other people. Knowing myself, I would get jealous seeing him with other people and I would feel myself start to choke up. Last time I thought he left me for another girl and I suspected a few people but none I could match up with, so I guess it wasn't true. After talking to his best friend and having thought about what he wants, I realized that it's wrong to keep him from seeing anyone else. After all, I am his first "real" girlfriend. I have no choice but to let him go, and I have to force myself to move on and forget about him.
I've also been thinking that in the future when we both have matured more and I have gained my own freedom, we could go on a date again. Maybe by then, we'll fall in love again and we'll actually do the things we've been wanting to do… Only.. I can't predict if it'll feel the same as it did this time or something more, our feelings I mean. At times I've also thought that he wasn't worth some of the time I wasted such as waiting to Skype with him when he didn't want to or was too busy. His way of handling some situations, bad. It's not just me that needs to grow up, it's him as well.
I've also decided to start a manga based on our relationship called "The First One." I just hope I can finish it, unlike most of the stories I write.
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Hopeless romantic
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