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"How do you keep it so shiny?" wondered Sera curiously as she ran a hand over the smooth, bald head of Solas. She felt a vein bulge beneath her palm.
"Stop rubbing me," growled the elf, his pointed ears twitching fiercely. "I have more books to-"
"I read a book once. Was all about sex!" she giggled, spinning away from the man. "You should have seen the v****a in that book, it looked so weird! Think humans and elves have different vaginas?"
A faint blush painted Solas's cheeks. "I...I wouldn't know, ask Cassandra." he coughed, trying to split apart two pages stuck together.
"Cassandra would hit me if I asked!" sighed Sera dolefully, a heavy frown crushing her smile. "Trust me, I once asked her-"
"Was it perverted?"
"Duh." She gave him the boastful grin of a child who had crushed his first ant.
"I don't want to hear it." Solas continued to struggle with the pages. Frustration twisted his lips into a warped grimace.
"Yes, you do!" she laughed, "it was a good question too! You see, she was...I forgot the question."
Solas was surprised to find that he was disappointed. He shook it from his mind. "Good." He tried to pry the pages off of one another with a nearby quill, but it did nothing, save for getting a blotch of ink on one of the corners.
"Say, how long's your arrow?"
"Pardon?"
"Your arrow. You know, your staff in your pants, your concealed blade, your-"
"Enough, enough, I understand your question." gasped the mage, his cheeks hotter than any magic he could cast. "I refuse to answer."
"Iron Bull answered." pouted Sera with pursed lips.
"Well, Iron Bull and I are two different individuals."
Solas saw something flash in Sera's eyes and immediately wished he could warp from the room. "Do you have a spell that can combine people?" wondered the elf girl excitedly, clasping her hands together.
"No."
"You should fuse me and Iron Bull! If I had horns..." A mischievous grin slithered across her lips.
"No horns."
"Yes, horns! If I had a pair, I'd be unstoppable! Let's see the nobles stand up to that! Ha! Or if I had Cassandra's butt, that's be neat too. Crush the masses with it!"
"Her...butt?"
"Oh, that's right! I remembered the question!"
"I don't want to hear it."
"Yes, you do!"
"No, I don't."
"Your bald head tells me so!" she argued, stroking his head tenderly. She gazed into its gleaming surface. "I can see it all now!" she sung, her hand dancing on his crown. "I see you being curious about a certain butt...Cassandra's butt! And my question, of course."
"Don't read fortunes from people's heads." growled Solas.
"But Cole does it all the time when you're sleeping!"
"...What?"
"He said that he sees no hair in your future."
Solas frowned.