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I'm not sure what kind of sickness this is but..
I love reading people's depression posts where they actually have something to be depressed about..
Do I l find happiness through their misfortunes? no.
Do I help them? no.

I don't know how to help them, as they don't know how to help me.

I suppose it's because with all the s**t I've had in my life, it's kind of nice to know that there are people either the same off or worse off than I. I want to help them all (unless they're really bitchy people who are just spoiled brats and don't realize it, cuz that'll just start a fight where I'll spill my guts and to that person, I'll still be "wrong" wink but I just can't. Even if I think I can help someone, either some one will say I'm lying on my examples of experience or the person I'm trying to help will say I'm a lier, sometimes I wish they could just see what I've experienced so they know you can live through those things and that I'm not lying.

One of the least worse experiences (but most recent, literally as I was typing this, my step dad just came downstairs and yelled at me for not letting the dogs inside. You know why I didn't let them in? I literally COULD NOT hear them. when I told him that? he wouldn't believe me. His window is right above where they bark and he has dead silence to listen to as well as his window open. I'm watching tv and there is a wall and a door or two in between me and them. He didn't believe me (If I wasn't an adult, I know I would've been grounded for at least the weekend)

I've been grounded for the stupidest things in the past, that's not just me being an angsty adult btw. I'll give you some (ridiculously sounding, but completely true) examples:
1. I was grounded for a whole weekend because I took a fan to the downstairs living room because no one was home and I was playing DDR. I forgot to bring them back up before dinner.
2. I have been grounded for the weekend because I wouldn't eat fish for dinner my junior year of high school (I've had a moral issue with eating sea creature since before I can remember, he's been married to my mother since I was 5.)
3. I was grounded for a week because my step dad found a cig butt on our front porch step and obviously I was smoking. (this was the reason I started smoking, btw)

These are just a few examples.

And that's just the grounding "abuse"
When I was younger, he would throw me against things and downstairs for small or no reasons. (physical abuse)

Not only that, but I've had mental abuse from my family. (though I'm not sure it actually counts as mental abuse. It was just mentally hard on me as a child.)
My actual father was my inspiration for everything as a child. When I got my first actual line in a play (I wanted to take after him being an actor), he said he'd be there time and time again. But then when it came for his time to just show up, a $100 gig came up, and that was more important. But that didn't break my little spirit as much as the year (the entire year he told me he would bring me out to his state to visit him for xmas and a week before xmas he said he was too busy. That's when I decided he was no longer some one I looked up to.

Or maybe it was that his best friend raped me.... from 3rd to 5th grade. I didn't say anything because this man's daughter was one of my best friends and I was smart enough to know that if I said anything, I would never see her again. When he was convicted for another girls case, I also confessed (I had no other choice, I knew that.) and guess what. I haven't seen my best friend since then. So in reality, I was right. But I should've said something sooner, I know.

In any case, I've been sexually, mentally, and physically abused throughout my life and even then, I can live through it, I'm bipolar now but I live through it. And there are still cases that even I can see are worse or equal to mine. I want to help but I don't know how besides to shut those up who troll on the ones in need of dire help. Because when you troll on them, they can take it seriously and they may cry themselves to sleep, cut themselves, or worse, kill themselves, because of your anonymous comment.

Take the people who say/seem they are depressed seriously, because they may be, and you could be the reason they won't be here tmrw.

And if you think life is bad, just remember, someone else's is worse. You make your life the best and no one else has authority to downsize it. So be the best there ever was. ;3


This is my story, what's yours?