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Dear Ms. Gayle,

You may know me as one of your CALM online students. Perhaps you may not know me at all seeing as you reject my every attempt to contact you. If you read this entry, please don't be angered. I only needed a way to vent my frustration because, quite frankly, I am absolutely fed up with CALM so far.

You scare me. I'll be honest, as I always am with my dear journal. I'm terrified of you and what you did and will do to me. My grades matter to me a great deal and I would appreciate if you would at least consider my effort in trying to raise my marks.

You don't seem to know me. Yes, that is the impression I'm under and I so desperately hope I'm right. I understand that I'm not the best person out there and had you known me, you would have had all the reasons in the world to despise my existence. How would you know me, though? Do tell me what it is you hold against me when you shouldn't even know me.

Or have you gotten to know me to hate me? That doesn't seem like the logical case here, seeing as you neglect me everytime I offer myself as a dedicated student.

Do you like CALM? No? I don't either. I loathe it with a passion. I thought taking an online course would be easy because it allows me to go at my own pace. The method you have chosen for your class is horrible for me. The strict attitude you possess is something I would much rather not deal with.

And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being able to hand in my assignment. I'm sorry for being jealous of other CALM online classes because, in my eyes, they have it so much better than I do. I'm sorry for not being able to feel any compassion for you. I'm sorry for practically hating you. I'm just so... sorry.

CALM sucks. There, I said it! I wish for it to disappear. That, or I wish for you to be more reasonable. Please, just... Why couldn't you give me a chance? Not even a single chance was left for me, eh?

You know what's funny? I talked to someone who was also in your class. My classmate, to an extent, since we shared the same class. She said you gave her an extension. I only needed perhaps two hours more and you gave her three days more. Can I not reach you or are you intentionally avoiding me?

Forgive me for wanting to give up. I want to dig my nails in my neck and rip out my skin. I want to physically show you my irritation with CALM. What's the point? You won't bother letting me see you. You won't bother with me at all.

I hate CALM. It's a despicable class. I hoped that maybe, just maybe, I would get a wonderful teacher to compensate for the atrocious course that is CALM. Was I unlucky? Or were you the unlucky one here?

I'm slowly, ever so slowly, breaking apart. When I ask for a break, I'm requesting either one of two things.

Break me. End my misery through force.

Fix me. Give me time to heal my wounds and let me restart.

Is that too much to ask for? Yes?

I just want to... stop.








Dear regular readers,

I won't be posting a lyrics excerpt on today's entry. My sincerest apologies. I shall write again soon. Hopefully, next entry won't be as... depressing. yum_puddi