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Eleven
Plus Five.
Equals.
Sixteen.

Never worked a day in my life

Two years to go,

'Til I'm gonna be gone,

And now I'm breaking down

I don't know what to do.

I haven't any clue

On what I want to do

I'm not failing any classes

but I'm not smart enough for college

Not a single AP on my record
Three F's in the past,
But I meet the requirements,
I've got previous scars on my B- average and

I think I'm insane because
Relationships and friends and family
Wedged me in the corner as the weakest in the pack.

I don't voice my opinions, or stand up for what I believe in
I hold it in,
Keep my bitterness and anger, craving for justice,
but all I am is useless.

I'm a being who needs to be taken care of.

I've cried more times than I can count
And the number is rising on how much I can hold in.

My affections aren't praised anymore because
I'm nothing more than an annoyance,
Talentless,
Too fruitless for a drive for survival
I can't stand it.

It feels like my voice and my tears,
My sweat, and all my eye's darting back and forth
Never worked because
I'm all mental,
I'm like a computer.

I don't want to be a physical being.

I'm afraid of a connection because this interwebby net is my protection
but
I don't want to move from this fantasy I live in
I've nothing real or true to look forward to
because all my relationships;

Let's face it:
All that were real were Two, and,
I hurt someone.

No, I hurt everyone because of
How I am
Thinking my life was a reality but
to be honest nothing was physical but
it was all emotionally savvy.

I'm just tired of who I am
but I don't want to retry because,
let's face it,
a restart would only have me lose my patience

But at the same time
I don't want to be here
I never did
I'm just scared that when my real life does begin,
I'll be rejected

Because I'll just get sucked right back in
But what I'm really wondering is,
From what I've seen.

Is this really what life is all about?
Nothing else to be hopeful about but to dream about success, fail, and die?
No, I don't want that.

Especially if it means I have to try.

Because let's face it:
Everything is inevitable.