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I've been experience of a sort of depression lately. Now, I say 'sort of' because it is not the conventional, nor the typical form of depression. It isn't exactly sadness, it's more of emptiness, but not in the lonely sense. Empty creatively. I've had so many ideas, I still have some, but once my pen touches paper, they seem to vanish. I try to get inspired and motivated to write, to begin my stories, but it's been harder and harder. I've always looked to music for inspiration, it has always guided me to great and fantastic worlds that I can create and live in. Now, however, it's been hard. Music still helps, it helps the ink flow and the fingers move, but not like how it used to. Perhaps my writing days are over, maybe I need a new creative outlet. I love writing though, I love creating characters and worlds, I love the control. I bring people to life, and I can end them. I can spawn emotions, I can make anyone feel anyway I want. I can be a king, a god. I can fabricate worlds, fill them with magical beasts that don't exist, I can make it past, present or future. I can invent my own reality, and I can destroy it. I can crumble the great castles, dry the lakes, burn the land. I can end worlds with a single stroke of a pen. I can do all this with pen and paper. I can become any age, any gender, any person I want, and live life my way. What may be perceived as odd or different in reality may be the norm in my written reality. I could become immortal, or I could die and become someone new. I can live hundreds of lives within my own real life. A writer has countless lives, all living in different worlds, with different pasts and different stories.
It's a beautiful thing. I wish that I could just become inspired again, and begin once more. I still write, I force myself to, for when that inspiration comes back, I want to be ready. I want to have the practice and skill at my disposal.
I had a lot of inspiration a few weeks ago, when I changed my music genre. That, too, has faded however. I suppose I'll just have to be patient and wait. I'll have the live the stories within my imagination until I can put them down on paper.