Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

With my life growing increasingly better, I find it hard to think up topics to rant about or discuss in my entries. I suppose I can always resort back to the whole Sarah thing, but that topic grows horribly tedious after awhile, and I find it progressively harder to recall moments of our relationship. It all seems to fade so quickly now that I hardly remember the good times anymore. Sad, for I was hoping to hold onto those for a little longer. I find it odd that I can easily call upon the memories of Iruna and have them appear before me within seconds, but when it comes to Sarah, these memories have either fled or are hiding themselves. I find it odder that these memories regarding Sarah are vanishing much faster now that I admitted to not minding them. Guess the grudging and the hate were the last remains of my relationship, and with them gone, I finally moved on, allowing myself to forget them at a much faster rate, but then that would raise another question. What have I left unresolved with Iruna? How come I can remember everything from that? Perhaps I want to forgive her for what happened. Who knows, but I don't very well plan to find out, for digging up such coffins creates a ghastly mess. So I'll let my curiosity leave that case untouched, and focus it on a much more immediate matter. Something to do with love and feelings and so on. I'm troubled by rising feelings, for I do not know if they are exactly genuine. They grew stronger after the hate for Sarah vanished, which supplies me with yet more evidence that it was my final step of moving on. There are two problems with these feelings. One being that I'm not sure if they are real feelings, for I could merely be wanting a relationship. I might not have feelings for her, my heart just wants something or someone to love. And number two. My feelings seem to be split between two people. One on Skype, another on Gaia. Now, one is in another country, while the other is in my own country, so you'd think I'd lean towards the one residing (somewhat) nearby. I say somewhat for, while in the same country, she's still many states away. Anyway, I've had feelings for the out-of-country one longer, which is most likely why the feelings are so strong. But they do begin to fade, I suppose, since I've met the other on Skype, yet, if I heard correctly, the one on Skype already has a special someone. I'm not one to invade another relationship so selfishly, but, if the relationship looks troubled, I will not stop myself from siding with her and demonizing the man. Sorry, guy I do not know.
Well, don't take any of what I typed to heart. I'm tired and my mind is elsewhere. Thanks for reading anyway.