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I've had a prolonged conversation with the girl whom I thought I was in love with yesterday. Well, as the chat proceeded, I began to realize that what I felt wasn't love, it's a close relative, a thing called affection. A love without romance. It's something cheesy that I'm sure many people have either heard or said. Loving someone without being in love. So yes, in a way, I do love her, yet it's not the romantic love that results in me wanting to spend the rest of my life with her. So it looks like my heart is free from the bindings of love once more, which is a relief. It would have been a disaster if I had confessed to her only to realize the feelings I have are not genuine. I'm not going to look for love. I did that with Sarah, and look how that ended. No, I will focus on friendships, on the purer, happier things in life, and let them take their course. If a friendship happens to evolve into a relationship, then so be it. I was rejoice in it, and do what I can to preserve it. I am not hunting for love, but when I happen to stumble upon it, I will not let it go, unless I see the warning signs of it turning into my last relationship. Coldness will not be tolerated by me, not unless there is a real reason behind it, although I expect my next endeavor in love to have a happier ending. My next relationship will not be a horrible blizzard like before, a land of ice and snow where nothing lives and everything dies. No, it will be a beautiful spring, a meadow of flowers and life. It will be warm, it will bring only smiles and laughter, it will be something to be proud of. It'll be an eternal summer, abundant of ardent warmth that will never cool.
If only Iruna and I had not changed, because what I described earlier was what we had many summers ago. How beautiful it was, how pure. Now, I'm not saying the new Iruna is bad, I enjoyed being around her. She just wasn't what I remembered, so I guess that turned me off from it all. I have met someone who does remind me an awful lot of the old Iruna. Someone quick to laugh, cheerful, and kind, although she is a lot more perverted than what Iruna was. I could learn to live with that. I have absolutely no feelings for her, however. If our friendship happens to become something more, I will be happy, and if, perchance, we stay friends and nothing happens between us, I will be happy. It's a win-win.
Not my best writing for this. Sorry, I'm just not in the writing mood, but I felt the urge to type this down, and nothing was about to stop me from doing it.