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It begins again.
I'll try to repair the relationship, and our broken hearts.
It's going to be hard, her feelings aren't as strong as they used to be, and, for some reason, that makes me both angry and sad. I'll win her love back.
Our relationship wasn't built on love. It was built on MY love and Sarah's "He likes me, so I'll give it a shot" attitude.

I'll try.

She shattered my heart into pieces with that, saying that she's losing feelings for me, and why she even decided to say yes to my love confession. It's broken, and I need to fix it before I start losing feelings for her. Before this turns into resent.

I feel horrible for saying this, but I almost want to give up. She doesn't take this relationship seriously. She doesn't want romance. She doesn't treat me like a lover. She won't even give me a straight answer, just "I dunno."
I sometimes think that if I gave up, I'd be able to move on and find someone who is romantic, passionate, serious when it comes to love. Someone who wants something deep.
Then when I'm done thinking that, I imagine Sarah doing the same, and whenever I think of her being with someone else, I get so angry and so depressed that I seriously need to get away from people to just calm down. I love her too much to just give up.
I won't take the relationship so seriously. Taking it seriously was my way of saying that she's on the same level as me, that I see her as a peer, but she doesn't want 'serious', she wants 'laid back.' It used to be laid back when we first started dating. Wanna know why? I treated her like a kid, and, in my mind, I already worked it out that the relationship was going to fail, so I was just making the best of it. I want to treat her like how she deserves to be treated, a peer.

Eh, I'm about to snap and end it. End it and take her off my friends list and forget about her. Empty her from my mind and find someone new.
I want to give up.
At the same time, I want to keep trying.
It's such a weird feeling.
Guess when she broke my heart, she left a little piece intact, that's saying "try again, just don't give up, there might be a happy future in it for you. You might win and spend the rest of your life with a goddess."
The rest says "dump her and move on. She obviously doesn't know, or doesn't care, what love is."

Which half do I listen to?

I want Sarah. The old Sarah. But she's not coming back, so I need to adapt, I guess. Or give up. I hate giving up, but what else is there to do? She doesn't even have strong feelings for me anymore.
All of this is making me sick, absolutely sick.

I could end it all, just break up with her and move on, but I'd feel so empty afterwards, that it'd take awhile for me to recover.

I know if Sarah and I get back to normal, I'll be normal.
If we break up, and I somehow manage to move on, I'll be normal again.
I kinda miss spending time with all my friends, but I've changed into a sadistic, negative freak that doesn't know how to be anything but awkward.