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me, and my life
Not for the weak of heart
Disclaimer: I use to cut, I haven't for years. I do not encourage cutting, however I do say that if you must do it, please use sterile needles/razors/knives. Please do not reopen wounds and always cut in places that are safe. I did a great amount of harm to my body by not following these and I wish someone had at least told me to be safe in what I was doing, because at the time I was not going to stop if you told me. There is always a way to hurt yourself, always a way to gain that feeling. By writing this I am simply expressing how it made me feel in my experiences I'm not saying it is how everyone who cuts feels or that it is how you will feel if you decide to.

Mom wasn't there
Dad didn't care

as the blood ran red
I laid in my bed

no longer crying tears
it once was one of my greatest fears

cut up,
cut down
about to rupt
its all sound

so good
so wrong

this is the song

red on my arm
red on my leg
do you see that red?

Never cut in plain sight
couldn't let out the fright
of the knife I held so tight
till it let the release out right

everytime was the same
everytime i felt no pain

the fear was there
it wasn't clear

here I am, I won't cry
for my own death tonight

See that blood?
I caused that.

tastes so good
I know its so wrong

drink what comes out of the wound
open it so you can do it again

best taste in the world

walk around with your arm in your mouth
sucking out that final drop
never cut down too south
can't reach, lust about to pop

pleasure comes in red
pleasure is when I'm dead

see that blood?
that is mine

see that cut?
I did that

Mommy aren't you proud?
Daddy don't be so loud

I'm doing all I can
You can't ban
all that I love
its what I need

adicted
worse than an adict
I need it
not fine without it

get the shakes
get the quackes

time to cut again
time to bleed again
time to love again
time to feel alive again
time to be again


clean
clean for a year
clean for two
clean as a bear
in need of a rue

the scars have healed
no one believes
the words I carved into me

smiles and hearts
little holidays arts

the blood is no longer here
the blood is no longer clear

I'm an adict
fighting every day
to not cut at it
and suck it all away

Fight as I may
Its difficult
to fight everyday
everyday
everyday
everyday
everyday
everyday
everyday
everyday
its a fight
everyday






User Comments: [2]
Professor_Posh
Community Member





Sun May 06, 2012 @ 09:58pm


Wow. That's actually an incredibly potent poem. Even though it's simplistic, I think it brings the most emotion to the theme. Bravo on your self-expression. Having once been prone to leaning out high windows and thinking of my crumpled body below, I'm really glad to hear you've started to recover in your life.


You are a light that will never extinguish. Don't kid yourself.
Faithful desires
Community Member





Sun May 06, 2012 @ 11:07pm


I used to be in a very dark place and now you look at me and I do such a good job of hiding it that no one believes me anymore when I say I was there. I never want to go back to that place, but I think of it often. I tried to kill myself so many times up until the day when someone extremely close to me did kill himself and the pain is so great even now 2 years later that I can not imagine doing that to anyone. I'm glad you came out of your dark area as well.


User Comments: [2]
 
 
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