Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Last night was a mistake and we're all forgiven. I forgive myself and I forgive those around me.

I woke up and still had the make-up on my face, caked along my tear lines. My mother could hear me laughing last night. We talked. About the picnic, about my friends, about my crying, and about how I would make it all better.

I would go on with today, the Jen way... or so my Dad said it. It's sounds rediculous but I love him and it was his way of trying to help me. He cares. They care. We all care.

I'm going to have fun tonight. I'm going to celebrate one of my best friend's birthday. She is going to have an amazing night, despite drinking booze. I am going to get over this and have fun, because life moves on.

Despite how hurt I was, I still feel like saying sorry to them. To apologize, after everything. Isn't that the silliest thing? Funny thing is, two of them would actually take the apology, like they deserved it. The other, well, she's smarter than that. She knows my stupid game and the s**t I'm pulling. She knows I try to revert and I'm glad she stands up to me. It just shows, she's a great friend.

Everyone makes mistakes.

"My love, leave yourself behind" mmhhhmmmmmm "peace will come" mhhhhmmmmmm nnnnhhmmm "I gave it..." mmmmhn (My Love, by Sia) It's one of my dirty needles. I should clean the wound it left but, tragedy is so pretty...

Bah, thinking of Dev helps me out of the slump. She's like... my little pick me up thought. All I have to do is think of her in need or wonder what she's up to, any little thought, and I'm totally cheered up. She's so amazing. Man... what a kiddo.

Sometimes I feel like, others see the way I act with her as inappropriate. Like at the picnic I was really cheerful and kinda huggy, but I don't think she needed someone serious. I thought she needed a distraction. Lessen the pain for a while. Then when you deal with it, there shouldn't be as much poison? Neh? Just have to make sure she doesn't die or infect anyone else within that time ^^" Lol. But really, sometimes when we hurt the best medicine really is fun. Other times I do think we need serious time. It's hard to know the difference.