yup. it's done.
hit a totally wrong chord for me, actually, so it wasn't the happiest moment of high school like i thought it was going to be.
stress all morning for prepping for the after-party, when the ceremony finally did arrive, it didn't feel like a big deal and we were herded outta there in 41 minutes.
pictures were icky.
right up to the end, we had our cliques.
and the sad part is, usually it's tradition for the family to get a pic w/ the graduate.
not so with mine.
right after the ceremony they took off, and pretty much avoided me all day.
which is why as they were leaving the HS and I was getting my diploma, when mom hugged me and said "I love you" i just about lost it.
i'm gonna have another entry soon about some other stuff that happened, but that's later, i guess...
i was actually a half-hour late for my own grad party, but it went over fantabulously well, with all of the little grad hats I made and all of the root beer gone by the end.
got just under $1000 plus gifts from that.
oh, and the pictures. NOT A SINGLE ONE WAS TAKEN ON MY CAMERA.
my parents don't think taking pictures of momentous occasions is important.
was looking through my display stuff sunday night after most people were gone (we had a bonfire w/ some church peeps until 1:30AM), just about cried again when i realized that all of my hard work was... done. counted for naught.
everything is still set up.
i need to hit the "reset" button on my life.
but, as we all know, that isn't possible.
CB, I don't feel pretty. I don't feel like I accomplished anything, like I made any friends, like I've become who I wanted to be when I graduated.
i'm sorry, but i don't know what for.
for everything, perhaps?
suddenly the world is colorless.
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry.
life was supposed to be good by now.
things were supposed to be awesome,
my life feeling fulfilled.
i was supposed to be estatic.
i want to soooo freaking bad.
i don't feel pretty. i don't feel like anything.
absolutely NOTHING MEANINGFUL, CB.
ABSOLUTELY FREAKING NOTHING.
herded in and out like another load of cattle, meaningless congratulations, freaky hats and an uncelebratory atmosphere.
nothing feels right.
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just watch me.
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