and it seriously hurts to cry. o.o;;...
why the tears?
i realized that my dreams will not come true.
all throughout high school I imagined the day of graduation, and driving away after the ceremony and imagining the giant weight that would lift off my shoulders as I left that property no longer a high schooler.
guess that's not happening.
guess i signed up for the wrong class,
guess I'm coming back after i thought i was done for good.
guess i really really really really really really really hate trigonometry right about now.
guess I'm kicking myself for it.
i guess i'm coming back to high school after i graduate.
like a failure.
but it's all my fault.
it was my choice to take the class, my choice to keep going.
that is why it is my choice, this close to the end,
to suck it up and keep going.
one week?
two?
you seriously have no idea how excited i was to be done.
have that weight off my shoulders.
on time.
it'll be weird, i assure you, to walk down the middle of the gym, down that aisle, through the crowd of people, give a speech, throw my hat in the air, cry and take pictures after, have a party, and still have the knowledge that I'm not done.
that i have a test to take yet.
that i have to get up another day,
for the sake of a high school education.
my diploma will simply mean 'okay, you're good enough to not take the slack classes here, do them somewhere more expensive.'
so i need a solution.
need to study.
need to make this as painless as possible.
CB, i'm tired.
i don't want to.
finals are stupid.
high school is old.
i need a new vantage point.
after all,
graduation is a celebration of 12+ years of hard labor, of learning who we are, of learning about the world.
so why the piss fit over ONE class despite the completion of seemingly hundreds of other classes?
*shrug* i need to mull over that one.
make that more of a reality than the fact that i'll be coming back.
praise team at church tonight, baccalaureate praise team practice tomorrow 1st hour, brit lit final 2nd hour, spanish final 3rd hour, comp lit i have no idea what'll be going on, and trig?
just another day.
6th hour prolly something like hanging by the senior benches or baccalaureate stuff, same with 7th, 8th gonna hit up everyone else that i haven't given a sr pic to yet.
tomorrow night baccalaureate.
thursday graduation rehearsal 1st hour, class pic 2nd hour, trig the rest of the day until the radio thing 6-9.
super excited for that, actually. :3
today we were planning some of the music; should be interesting.
then after that supposedly there's some big class party at zimmer's or something, dunno what's all going down with that haha.
friday trig, preparing for graduation (i still need to start everything..............), and katie's grad party.
saturday going to pick up g-ma, then party hopping all day, prepping at night.
sunday playing special music for the military thing at church, then to graduation, then home.
monday memorial day marching & valor's grad party, possibly trig.
tuesday trig. wednesday gabbie's grad party, thursday prairie fest pics taken. then more grad parties that weekend.
:S
then that week will be summer.
for a little bit, anyways..........
in june: VBS, deadward,
and the like.
july prairie fest, rocky mountain high, and the like.
august?
college.
OH almost forgot to share this pic:
see that? SEE THAT?!
yeah, that's my college.
SURROUNDED BY PRAIRIE.
but i guess that's a good thing...??
*shrug*
for some reason, seeing this pic made me happy.
guess i have happy memories associated with stuff like that. :]
btw, that's not the entire campus. it goes quite a ways the other direction, too.
again, it's all in how you look at it.
it'll be a nice transition between home and where i hope to go,
there are multiple buildings,
and it feels like home.
i know after a few weeks of jitters i'll be okay the rest of the time i'll be there.
just thought of the money involved in that...
and remembered what happened last night.
got a card from my aunt,
and inside it?
a check for $5000.
that's five grand.
that's a s**t ton of money.
so i pretty much spent like 5 minutes bawling my eyes out after that lol.
feel the same way now lol.
overwhelmed.
upset.
irritated.
tired.
bummed out.
incredulous.
and to the peeps who keeps posting sentimental comments on a group page that technically we shouldn't even be part of anymore: just shut up. please.
shut up, shut up, shut up.
you're ruining the surprise for them. & it wasn't THAT terribly great, tbh.
then again, i'm one to speak. to me, the "life-changing" experiences are always "just okay" in my opinion haha.
oh, and
DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, EVER SAY "FOREVER."
honestly, people.
I don't imagine anyone in our class being "best friends" when they're 80 years old.
seriously, it's just high school.
i think we're all just happy to be out of this hell hole and away from the people we've grown up with.
it's just high school.
grow up.
you know what, this isn't working. i feel like s**t, the world is s**t, and i don't know what to do about anything.
