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I won't let you know what that is
But for myself, I shall say it aloud

I did good.

I changed a bad habit of mine.. and boy was it hard. I was able to genuinely say I love you to myself, despite how creepy it felt... it was nice to hear it. To hear the words "I love you" are very comforting. I just kept telling myself, "you can do it" and I did. I studied and I took the test and remained positive. I can take these things apart and do them one at a time. I can do this. I can. I can sleep a little and do work and still dabble in roleplays... a little.

I am having trouble with the latter now... I just don't have the time that I thought I would have. I do but I don't because I have the time to put into it but not the focus. All my mind is set on my school work, which is a big load.

For my health, I think I might sleep extra today... after studying and finishing the posts that I said that I would finish.

Oh, I started hiding my online status... I just can't have people expecting me to post right now.. I don't want them stalking me all crazy like "O___= she gonna post?!" Dood, I'm stressing myself out enough on my own. Just because you posted, doesn't mean I'll respond the same ******** day. Chill out. Give me a day or two so I can get my stuff ready. I gave YOU the time. Give ME some time now...

Expectations suck.

My brother might get a tattoo... of course it would be a goldfish... figures. On his back and it's kinda cool he would get a tattoo. Since he went to college, he's done a lot of venturesome things. I kinda envy his life. Funny right? It is to me... we've totally switched roles. Though, I'm still the protector in the traditional sense of the word. I protect him from decisions, our parents, and himself at times. He protects me by creating a loving environment and trying to defend me at times... but always fails XD Lol. Our parents yell at him when he tries to protect me... he just doesn't get it yet. I let them walk over me and he can see the pain, which they obviously don't see. It's cute. Last time I was home he got into a big argument with our mom about it and she came complaining to me about how mean he is to her... [/ sigh] they're... special. I feel like... sometimes.... I am the glue that holds our family together. It's like... my mom and dad don't really interact as a family unit unless I'm there... like they would go through the motions and their own activities unless I'm there then they try to do things all together as a family. Does that make sense? Oh well... it's like.... if there's ever an argument I get them to work through it instead of ignoring it like usual in our house... it's like I'm the only one that won't work through things... lol. To demonstrate the "peacemaker" skills I possess, my brother and dad are always fighting. If it's not one thing, it's another thing. My dad got really frustrated with my brother when his computer wasn't working but I just told him that it was his money and his time, so he can't really get so frustrated. My brother is trying to learn... let him make mistakes. He can pay for it, it's not doing anything negative to my Dad... so just chill out. And I guess my dad ended up helping my brother later... like teaching him more stuff. Nifty.

Feh, family.

I don't want to go back for Easter...

My grandma called me on the phone today to remind me to come home... >.> she never calls.... something going on I don't know about? <.<