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I miss you.

Remember the awful poem I wrote for you?
Where I told you nothing would tear us apart?
I was a fool to let us be pulled apart.
I let my fear control me and ended up hurting you.
When my father asked me about you, asked to see my phone,
My body grew hot as I panicked.
Kicking, screaming, and crying, I tried to keep the phone from Dad,
Afraid of what was going to happen next.
He got ahold of my phone and saw the texts immediately.
As he called you, spoke to you, my body stayed hot as I knew what he wanted to do.
"I did it because I care about you." My dad had said to me that night.
I reluctantly sent you the emails, knowing I had hurt you…
I can’t stop thinking about you, not that I don’t want to.
The song you sang me brings tears to my eyes now.
You were hurt because I felt guilty, because I wasn’t careful.
Guilty because of the conflicts I was having within my mind.
Now all I feel is sorrow and regret.
Sorrow because we can't contact each other anymore and regret because I could’ve prevented this.
When I'm at school, I pretend everything's okay, and I know I shouldn't do that.
While at school, while in class, I constantly check my phone,
Hoping for a text that won't be in my inbox.
To tell the truth, when I'm alone, I shed tears and wondering how you are doing.
Even know, as I'm writing this, tears are rolling down my cheeks and I’m listening to that song again,
Thinking of you.
I love you and nothing will change that, not even my dad.
I know I told you to move on, but truth is, I just don’t want you to go into a sort of depression,
Like I am.
Please don't forget about me,
Though I know I don't have to tell you that.
Michael, I'm sorry this happened.
If I could turn back time and change it, I would make it so we could be together.
(Hope that's not too selfish for you.)
Our conversations are always on my mind, your voice I truly miss.
I remember you always saying, "I wish you were here."
Well, right now, that’s my wish: I wish you were with me.
I want to feel the warmth of your embrace, feel your arms around me.
But I know that’s not going to happen anytime soon…
My fear (and my father's anger) severed the bond we wanted to keep.
Could we mend that bond and continue what we once had?
Could we keep it a secret?
No, the real question is:
Could we continue this without my paranoia ruining the relationship completely?
Times like this, when I'm on the verge of tears, I feel like a weakling.
A weakling who couldn’t even fight to keep you in my life, to keep me in your life.
I miss you.
I love you.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I wish we could be together, together forever and never apart.
Our relationship was destroyed because of me, because I panicked instead of fighting for you.
I acted like a child who was about to get her doll taken away.
I know in my heart we were meant to be, but my mistake caused so much pain.