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Today I'm going to write about my undecided future.

High school was a place I could play around. It's always about general education courses like math, science, english, social studies and everything else that makes it high school material. It was a place I chilled at and hung out with my friends. Without a doubt, I did have fun. I paid a bit of attention to my future by taking care of my grades and keeping it above a 3.7. But I'd never think about shooting upwards towards the stars. When the time came for people to start joining clubs, applying for scholarships, and taking SAT's I cared not.

I would like to call myself the default academic boy. I took some honors and AP courses, but I did not shine like the others who took ALL AP classes, or ALL IB classes and were in like four clubs. I was in NJROTC, I attended an Air force Leadership Academy. I attended the Hawaii Leadership academy. But this I feel, was not enough. I only cared about getting that high school diploma. College was just an abstract thought. Like some high off place in the clouds.

I mentioned in the journal before this that I was the class "god". The smartest and tootiest in class lol. (tootiest .... lol)

But now .... now in college where everyone is pretty much on their own. Where no one really cares if you got an A in precalc because they have worry about themselves, I look back. I look back at all the people that are now doing their own thing "in the clouds." One guy whom I've helped with in trig and chemistry is now going to be an officer in the navy with a degree in electrical engineering. One guy I've helped/worked with in trig is now off to STANFORD.

I look at myself, I look at my hands, I look at my face in the mirror and wonder. What about me?

I'm going to a second-rate university. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. All that's going through my head is: " I wanna be a doctor so I can be very rich! " or " I don't care what job it is as long as I make a lot of money! " Where the hell am I going?! How do my friends know what they want? Why would you want to go into electrical engineering if you've never buried your hands in wires before? Why would you want to go into mechanical when you've never played with gears and axles?
Why would you want to be a graphic designer when you've never had photoshop before?

How am I supposed to find my way if there's nothing to stand on?

Well yeah so far my best bet is nursing. It's good money, and a good starting point for any doctor. But will I like the blood? Will I like it when someone throws up all over the floor and shards themselves and I have to clean them up? Will I like working with patients only to make a mistake and get my license taken away? Will I like the sight of decaying limbs and naked rotten bodies?

Argh, I feel that I will get used to it. I need to act now. I may change my major to nuclear medicene.

I'd like to know what I'd be in 20 years. I'd like to see what the hell I'm doing. I have a say in it though, that's what important.