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First day of school...oh god...er...Okay, so we're in the carpool and I'm getting bubbles and all butterfly-ee inside my stomach, looking at all the kids getting out and knowing that my day is gonna be hard...middle school is over... emo And I'm just trying to mentally prepare myself in my mind, yano?
We pull up and park and mom walks me inside, and as I'm walking inside it looks like everything I'd thought it'd be.
The section for 7th grade is so small and the halls are so narrow you have to walk in lines.
My first teacher, Ms. diggs I was wrong about, she's kinda okay.
It was actually a 6th grade teacher everyone was worried about. Luckily, I wasn;t there in 6th grade.
Or all through 5th.
So, my homeroom teacher when I first walk up to her she's all sweet and kind and then after you get in the classroom she's all serious and shizz...don't blame her... :/
she kinda made us write a small paper but she didn't even care or make us turn it in..so..yeah, and mine wasn't all that great since I was just nervous and didn't write as well. Somewhat a lot of kids were late...and the classes look semi-small..not TOO many kids..I don't think.
Um, when I first got there I sat there for awhile and felt really out of place the whole day. Most of the kids I knew weren't there or I didn't recognize them at first or just didn't at all...I was somewhat excited to see that the lockers were also inside the classrooms, my only locker is in homeroom so that's good...don't have to worry too much about having so many lockers like I thought I might when I got there.
But I was really expecting to walk in and everyone be like, "Omg it's Cheyenne!" in a bad way... :/ err..um..anyways, they didn't. They didn't even care and most of them were new I guess or started when I left.
So, the teacher explained and shizz and went over rules and all that..and is it just me or...is it always the blacks that laugh at everything and crack up in class? It's what's been happening all day. ._.
I'm so tired and lazy I don't even really wanna write right now..but I'm gonna..because I wanna look back on this stuff...x/ eheh..
so, my second class, I look at my schedule and follow these two girls that are in every period I have into all my classes.
Second class is...Ms. Kimbrel...which is math and Ms. diggs is writing. which I'm hoping to do a lot of writing in her room hopefully...
So we get to Ms. Kimbrel's room and put our things just in any seat and then line up for P.e
The gym looked a bit dull and not so big but then I found out the boy's have a separate gym right beside the girl's. For many reasons, they play rougher than us and we have locker rooms this year.
I'm having to buy a locker for 8 dollars and then have to share it with two other girls that also have to pay 8 dollars. ._. I'm gonna ask those two girls if they don't mind since they're in all my classes, I kinda wanna get to know them and become friends somewhat... :/ v.v...
and besides, that means the locker we share is only open once a day.
So, we go sit down against the walls and stuff and then they line us up on the floor in ABC order and shizz and I think the girls were messing with me,
I thought they meant ABC by our first names so I go to one line then the other and then finally the right one but it turned out to be the wrong one and all the same girls in the line I thought was finally the right one got moved back to another one like me. Glad I wasn't the only making that mistake. When I asked the first line I got mixed up in where the H line was they said at the end, but it was the second line to the end actually and then that wasn't it either and I felt so embarrassed. redface
Then I saw this kinda chubby goth girl that I might try befriending,
but before any of that the coaches explained everything and I felt like I was sitting in there on that hard floor for hours. It killed my back and my pants were just so tight man...and plus I have a stint or whatever belt on...the ones with the little square spikes? anyways, I have to purchase a uniform for gym and get changed infront of all the girls...I think I'm pretty..I just don't feel comfortable getting undressed infront of them all..I'm only used to getting undressed infront of one person only and that's just my beliefs. The way I am. :/ and if I ask to change in a bathroom the girls will think there is something wrong with me or something embarrassing on my body I don't want them knowing of which isn't true. .////.
Just don't want any lesbians staring at me. I don't got nothin' against any gays until they start hugging on me and touching which goes the same for anyone doing that to me. And all the black girls make a big deal out of everything..so..yeah..
but after gym I was going to walk towards that chubby goth girl and start up a conversation because she kinda looked neglected and ignored like no one liked her..I thought it might be her first year ever going to this school...so, as I start to walk to her actually feeling confident for the only time that day I see her walk to another girl which later on in line I figure out is Samantha. A goody two shoes broom flat surf board girl. No. seriously, she's flat as fu'ck! D& She ain't got no chest! Looks anorexic, man. DX< she couldn't even put a pencil between them ant bites! xDDD! She like totally lied in 4th grade just to get me in trouble, dude... :/
But she got me to join Marapets and all so I might try talking to them and ask them if they know what Anime is since Sam play/played marapets...and that's..Idunno. They have Gaia adds on that site..and that;s how I came to Gaia so she might have one...and I'll forgive her if she's nice..just..yano..don't have many periods with any other different girls. Mainly just the ones in home room and stuff..
and I didn't even open my mouth at all today and so then most all the girls came up and talked to me, this real tall one I kinda remembered started talking to me but then she kinda got caught up with her other friends..so..I was kinda like *Sigh, all alone* v.v
I was hoping someone would talk to me more after that..but..no one really did.
And then the girls were talking about having boyfriends and then I started thinking about Brandon and like, how happy I am I know whats in my future and I ain't gotta worry about boys...I feel lucky and proud about that.
I kept my head kinda down today and was the quiet loner kid like I wanna try and be this year.
Then I go into my math class and like the teacher and she's my favorite just because she's so cool and talks so nice and stuff, I believe math might be easier for me this year with her.
The rudest little black boy kept rocking his desk up against mine and..ugh..I always have to sit next to the black crowd because of ABC order and shizz... :/
But I didn't open my mouth at all even when I wanted to.
What felt like an eternity finally ended and we never did anything the first day,
but it still felt long after I thought about Brandon and going home...
then we went to Geo and Civics...the teacher is a total b***h. Just the way she talks and how strict and firm she was. Can't say I blame her exactly, she's been basically repeating herself all day four times.
But still..and she was gonna give us homework on trying to find questions to ask ourselves or whatever in the handbook for homework but I think we all finished that in class... =.= I got so pissed like, man, who gives homework the very first day of school? Even the first week of school?! D&?!
But..whatever...and then I got frustrated because of my binder but when I got home I found out how to put papers in it correctly..so..eet's all gewwd. =w=
I just wish I'd of figured out sooner, I spent so much time struggling with that thing I missed most the things she said that were somewhat important. gonk
but we have a test friday on the fu'ckin' handbook... stare
which I find...stupid..VERY stupid...
neutral
but then shortly we went to lunch and I had to go get my wallet from the classroom and felt so dumb because I got lost and forgot which door to go through and I go back and ask the teacher and she looks at me dumb and goes, "Honey..uh..it's a straight shot." then explains to me where to go...gee thanks teach...you made me feel dumber... redface
I go in and then pay and then rush to eat my lunch...I was just so hungry..this morning I got up at 6..took a shower..and was gonna eat a hot pocket but mom got sick and threw up so...:/
atleast it held me most of the day
and in math class my stomach was just growling and that made me feel embarrassed too..was just like.."shuddup! D&" atleast we eat snack in her room..I just wish we got some more breaks inbetween...so I could maybe talk to some of the other girls..but they seem kinda girly and just into boys.... v.v...
I saw Diana in the hallway and Tylor and Diana kinda smiled at me either to be nice or to be cocky, thinking it was to be cocky
and then Tylor is like "OH MY GOD!" in a bad way. And it kinda hurt my feelings...
But yet, I don't know if he was just shocked or being mean and then after gym one of the little short black guys I knew kinda started laughing at me...one dude in line was getting picked on so when I walked by him I started smiling at him but I don't think he saw it..I just wanted to be nice... :/ I felt bad for him. I wore black converse, a loose vest, a black purple and white shirt and my good stinted or whatever bracelet..I was gonna wear make up but I just didn't wanna start crying if I was harassed all day like I thought it was gonna be like...
and the little bit of acne I have..the wash helps and I looked real nice this morning compared to what some girls had. 3nodding
And most of the girls were nice and didn't even bring up old issues or hate on me..I don't have any periods with the kids who are super bad or hate me...
4laugh
last period went faster than the others, the teacher is a long term sub because Ms. Farrington my real science life teacher had a baby and is on a 12 week leave and will be back in October. I hope I like her. Because I like the male sub we have, he's an old fart and really cool...he called some boys parents today and it was funny..they were cutting up when he was explaing something to us about his head.
He kinda has like this real bad burn and we were all asking about it. :/ and it was a science-like reason behind it..so..xD
When those black guys wouldn't shut up me and this white girl were looking back and forth at eachother just going.."Ugh..shut up already.." she looked as miserable as I felt. I kinda noticed she didn't really talk much either to anyone. I think.
confused
I dread going back and working my butt off,
I hate school work and sometimes school.
Brandon and mom picked me up today and at the end of the day when I went outside with the car riders, I saw Laura and we talked a minute because we went to ITPC together and she's in 8th grade..so..it kinda sucks...That I don't have someone in my grade I know... v.v;;
and Brandon waved at me when he and mom pulled up and I waved and smiled and was just so happy and I spent most of my night with him since I didn't have homework..I hate now having to put school before him..and he hates having to put work before me...:/ soon we'll have the lives we want...so soon... whee
I just know I'm gonna be able to do things this year..I'm alone in this..I go in and do my work and if I make friends..thats another part of the package then.
oh god and P.E uniforms are 15 bucks. They're milking us already! burning_eyes
I just go in and do what I need to do. Not worried about friends. But it'd be nice, but I somewhat kinda wanna be on my own..just not the whole year...
Oh god, I'll miss spending almost every day with Brandon..I hate you school and work..
now I feel all sad and depressed...I ride the bus to school and home tomorrow,
I'll be home at a quarter till three tomorrow..so..yeah..
*Sighs* I'll be brave. I just wish I had someone there to keep me strong besides a picture of Brandon in my wallet...oh god I'm gonna cry..I feel so alone in all this...just so lonely..I was so glad when I got to homeroom and then I was able to walk out
I didn't wait long at all until I saw mom pull up and pick me up..
just...ergh..it's a pain not waking up then walking into Brandon's room to kiss him goodmorning and then goodbye like when we lived together...
I've gotta get up at 6..school starts at 7:30...and no telling how the bus rides will be...
I'll write more tomorrow,
I need to brush my teeth and put on my face washing acne ****... .__.
and brush my teeth but take my meds first and *** kinda...
It's almost 9:30...so..night... confused