Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

well today im not faking sick i think i really have mono. Sometimes i can be a hypocondriact but today i just feel like crap. My head hurts and i think i have slept like 18 hours today. Oh god im becoming a sloth crying . God I cant get chris or cody out of my mind. I feel guilty because Cody is "going out" with Maria yet he has been flirting with me an awful lot in phys ed. I cant really even look Maria in the eye anymore. But the awful thing is i always flirt back and i cant help it. Its like i said before in my last entry this time of year im boycrazy! I cant go even like two days without being held or at least hugged. Last year it got so bad i didnt know what to do and i turned to the wrong guy. Yeah he was a jerk. But anyway i cant help thinking about Chris. He is like a celestial god right now -and sakura no you do not know him i dont think, he doesnt go to our school- But almost every day i see him walking around with his girlfriend, angel, Yes he is a year younger than me- well at least a grade i think he is the same age-. But the thing is he is unique. You would think all he was made of was flab but when he is in his muscle shirt you can see his muscles ripple! The reason when you first look at him you think he is made of flab is because he is very heavyset. He is big boned you know and i hate to admit he looks overweight. But he isnt. He is in better shape than i am! I wish -and yes again i am being evil again with my wishes- that he could see me and notice me and dump his girlfriend. I want to be held in his arms like i see him holding her every day. I havent had but 1 boyfriend this year and he was a mistake. I want a boyfriend that can still be my friend after we break up. Is that so much to ask? I guess it is in this day in time. Most guys like chris only want sex in a relationship, hell, he probably does to but what i think he is is he can wait until im ready to give up my virginity. anyway that is all for now people i hope you enjoyed this daiy post in my life.

ps maybe im mistaken maybe he is not like that but all you can do is hope. neutral