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Is there really a fine line between love and hate? and what does hating someone have to do with loveing them?

I'm so sick of the lingering doom cloud that hangs over my head. If yuo've known me long enough you know what i'm talking about.

The things that happened between him and i are OVER and i loved his family but i just can't talk to them, theres just too much pain there to do so. and no, its not fair that i moved away with my son, but we agreed that there was no costody agreement, and i know that he thought i was stupid, i know what he was going to try and pull, and i wasn't having it, i didn't want to die, i was scared to death, why should i feel bad because i was scared? i do feel bad, so very bad that his grandparents on his sperm donners side doesn't get to see him, yes, i said sperm donner, because thats all he is, he's never once called to ask how my son was doing, hes never tried to get in contact with me to see how he was doing, NOTHING. He had my dads number, and he deffinatly has my email, he said that he did want the kid, but i dont think he wanted the responcibility. the only reason why he was trying to get lewi is because he didn't wanna pay child support...


so why, why must i be guilt tripped into feeling bad about it.. .am i doing wrong? really? is this the way i'm suppose to feel after all the terrible things he did to me? he tried to make me miscarrage for crying out ******** loud.

he threatened to push me down some stairs when he was drunk!!!

should i really feel bad because i moved accross the united states to go back home where people love me and would help me?!

....Am i wrong for how i feel?

i hate that man and i wish he'd go away and never return, i really loved that city, my older sister lives there...he did things that not even God would forgive...

seriously, i'm really torn up inside... wont someone please just for once in that family listen to me? no one would, when i said that he had wanted to push me down the stairs no one listend, and it was all "my fault" because i had "post pardom" so the things i said must have been "made up" when he was DRUNK and wouldn't remember anything because he would be "DRINKING".

AM I REALLY SUPPOSE TO FEEL BAD?!?!?!?

I do... but i donno what to do... now his family is wanting to get ahold of me, but i don't know if their going to try to pull something and get my son taken away from me... i'm so scared to talk to anyone in that family... i got along great with his mom, but its been almost a year since i've talked to her, and i've been ignoring her phone calls... because i'm scared but... and this is taring me apart....


would someone please give me a little advice on this... i mean, i know my journal on gaia is the last place i should post this but seriously... i'm really happy where i am... i have a great place here... with my beloved and my son... i hate feeling so vulnerable...

please friends...

Peace, love and duckie grease....