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Saturday, April 24th, 3:55AM , 2010. .

Dear Journal,

Hey journal, sorry I was late. I was really caught up in today. First, I got up at around 4PM. I dug through my room, looking for nice clothes to wear to church. It's really stressful when I have to go to church, cause I want to look nice or presentable to people. I know looks, appearances, in general shouldn't matter journal, but I can't help it. Anyway, other then that, I had to take out the trash, still dig through my clothes, talk to my mom, dig through my clothes, think about dinner, go to church, sit their, and this girl I kind of like was sitting in front of me, one row up, to the left. She's always so happy, and cheery, and inspiring other people to do things, people usually wouldn't do themselves. I think she would make a good leader, someday.

The service in general, was dull, to be honest. I don't really understand what he was talking about. I hope tomorrow I can watch something that won't like make me want to leave. Church is a great, wonderful, place. It's a place, where you can dance, sing, to the music. Socialize with other people, and learn everything about the Bible.

Journal, I am going to talk about something that has been bothering me. My lifestyle. I am going to be completely honest journal. I don't like the way I am. I eat late night, and I can't even call it a snack cause it's more like dinner, but I just call it breakfast cause it makes me feel better about my actions. Then, I tend to masturbate to stuff I shouldn't, and I feel like "why do I do this?, I am getting a few minutes of self-pleasure, sure, but in thee end it's nothing, it's pointless" . Journal, I really want to change myself. I always told myself, right from the very beginning, that I, Frankie Lee, would not change. I always thought, being always me, would be a good thing. It seems, though, that I am indeed, wrong about that. I wish I could have realized that sooner. Perhaps I had realized it, but I denied it for so long, it just became this.

Sure most people would say, "masturbating is normal! everyone does it!" and I'm still not sure how girls do it, I don't want to know, just pointing out a fact. It's not because my religion says not to do, it's because I don't want to. I feel like, masturbating, touching myself, is like violating myself, which it is, but I feel like..I just want to give my body to my partner that I will meet someday. I don't want anyone to touch me but my partner, even myself. I don't want me to touch me, I want that one..person, yes, that one person to touch me, and only that person will. I don't know who, or when, that person will come. I don't know how long it's going to take, but I am patient, I can be, and usually I don't think about relationships, so I know that moment will come, and it will grow into something beautiful.

I Frankie Lee, vow, to not touch myself, not eat late at night, and to keep writing more journal entries! wish me luck journal!

Thanks for readin.