Wall of Venom
1. Water-Me-Sunflower
by Cutey Wooty Cutems
It fails to achieve a suspension of disbelief; I don't see a flower, I see a dude in a funky suit. The body doesn't look like a stem, it looks like a fetish suit. The tentacles don't look like roots, they look like severe leg atrophy.
I'd be willing to accept the empty attempts to elude to a flower, but there's just nothing beyond them. Its boring and unappealing. Nothing new's going on here, except he's swapped out the padmavati's lotus of years past for the latest obvious flower like head item with a few coarse accessories to make it seem more complex. It settles for less. It lacks vision.
He used the ******** obvious cutefayse to make a ******** obvious cute mood. The pinnacle of ingenuity has been attained!
Verdict 2/10.
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2. Somebody's Watching Me
by Geico
Who the ******** afraid of who here? The basic premise driving the avatar fails to even be precise, let alone new or interesting. It seems so desperate. The imaginary friend must have been the first companion he found that layers in front of the couch when the avatar is backwards, so they just stuck with it.
Frankly, I tested it. There are little to no companions that sit in front of the couch while backwards.
Problem is, that's not an excuse. The imaginary friend looks ambiguous to the situation, and McSourface has no reason to be afraid of the imaginary friend. Nobody is watching anybody.
Rock and a hard place decisions in avatars often beget one of two outcomes, based on the level of initial ingenuity: an obvious, yet acceptable level of error which only tarnishes the polish off of the avatar, or a sense of "trying too hard" to make something work out of an inherently flawed formula.
Sometimes you just have to let it go, and search for the next "sweet catch."
We all know McSourface looks forward even on a backatar, and it's been applied in more interesting situations. This is just the grizzly left-overs.
Verdict: 3/10.
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3. Sweet Southern Belle
by "Priorities in Fashion"
Oh, stuff it. talk2hand
Frankly the southern belle style of dress did emphasize color matching. A mismatched underskirt and blouse was an honest rarity. Such things were avoided, as they would suggest the ensemble was not tailored as a whole, and therefore, that the family was not of speakable wealth.
Frankly, I agree, the emphasis should not always be on matching. Most of you readers know I'm against the forced articulation of matching in an avatar: how it turns an avatar into little more than a math problem, a complete subversion of mood and character.
But this avatar sucks for epochs more than just its lack of matching. Its yet another complete failure to bring anything new to the table. It simply takes an old and worn out formula, pound for pound, item for item, plasters the latest +1 obvious item onto it calls it INNOVATIONZ.
Don't throw around empty conjectures to make up for your lack of ingenuity.
Verdict: 2/10.
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4. The Legionaire
by s**t Luck
Just another lackluster warrior, but frankly, at least its trying. It utilized somewhat unrelated items to create a unique armor set and layering emphasize minor details or to underplay otherwise overwhelming garments (coat over the tunic).
It just fails to take it all into consideration. The gifunkingantic sword mutilates whatever small appeal might have existed in the torso and the head is just a dull eyesore. Do something with it. Layer a few items to make a unique accessory. Get the eyes involved. Anything!
What meager appeal could have existed is completely subverted by laziness and internally appealing/visually unappealing additions.
Verdict: 4/10.
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5. Wickedness Devilry
by Adverbs
Wat.
Verdict: 1/10
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6. Rainbow Plaid
by Enthusiasm
This avatar looks like he just wants to reach out and strangle his creator for what he has done. I had no investment in the textures of the avatar whatsoever until I read the description. Just about any hackneyed deviation of the norm loses its appeal if it can't stand up without a point-for-point explanation. It isn't entirely agonizing to gaze upon, though.
"and... purple stripes"? Someone was fishing the bottom of the barrel with that one.
Verdict: 7/10
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7. Lady Steampunk
by That Godforsaken Captain's Hat
This is just so godforsaken boring. It exhibits little more than some rudimentary matching of browns, and from there, sits back while people fester over the grim resplendance of "CLOCK ON HAT?!1"
a
Avatars need to expand upon the premises of the items we're given. There's nothing special about repackaging the piece and selling it back as the exact same product with a money shot of fizz and glitter.
Verdict: 5/10
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8. Grace of the Moon Child
by Like I said, necessity.
The objective viewpoint of the critic is flanked by two seperate, yet relevant sources, by which he compares and contrast his initial opinion to more perfectly establish his final verdict upon the avatar before him. The canon of avatars which have proceeded them, and the objective viewpoints and evidence of his fellow critics.
Likewise, the snarky viewpoint of an insult comic is flanked by two seperate, yet relevant sources, by which he compares and contrasts his initial gut snark to more perfectly establish his final zinger upon the snot rag before him. The canon of avatars which drove him to such cynicism, and the hot stink of snark his fellow jokers are heaving up.
With these two sources in mind, I can conclude two things. Postulate A: Grace of the Moon Child is absolute gold - the coarse similarities to last week's winner and the fact that said coarse similarities are inherently dull and uninteresting are so ripe for ripping that you just can't help but tear into it like a rabid hawk starved for the sustenance of life. However, Postulate B: the gold mine is so blatantly obvious that every critic and their cat and their cat's improvised dead cricket play toy will have considered and/or employed it.
Thus, I hate this avatar, not for its dull, lifeless, and repetitive use of items we've seen again and again since time immemorial, so blatantly unimaginative that it succeeds in being a mere echo of what placed just a week ago. But for forcing me into a moral dilemna, as to whether or not ripping into it for its monotonous qualities may just well be considered dull, lifeless, and repetitive itself.
Verdict: 2/10.
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9. Nagini of the Myst
by Deja Vu v. 2
The solution to this moral dilemma, obviously, is to point it all out, so when I do, in fact, continue to rip into avatars for their dull, lifeless, and repetitive qualities, I can be perceived as doing so with an ironic awareness of the hypocrisy.
That said, did we double-tap or what? Grace of the moon child's a coarse echo of winter fairy, Nagini of the Myst is a coarse echo of the Sea Goddess. Same ********, hair, same ******** skin, different accessories, and a new pair of legs.
INNOVATIONZ EVOLUTIONZ.
Verdict: 4/10.
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10. Starry Night
by Ethe
Set repetition. I pine with envy for your ability to match the compass of seidh to the compass of seidh to the compass of seidh to the compass of seidh to the compass of seidh to the compass of seidh to the compass of...
Whoops! Ignore that last one, my bad. There are only five compass of seidhs and four nartian rock/nartian derivatives.
Verdict: 4/10.
Although, I probably do need to retire the INNOVATIONZ bit.
