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You probably can't tell, but I am going through a major change in my life right now. Well.. to be exact, I desperately want to change myself. Why?

I think its a mixture between a wake up call and a suffering I been going through. I lost something precious to me, and now I realized why and how. I finally saw what were my own problems, and how blind I was toward it.

Life is strange because you really have to lose something important to you in order to learn. Its amazing how comfortable we can get when we always felt we were always aware of our own problems. It's strange how life works.

But I did hear a quote about it. "A good heart has to suffer" it said. I think I understand why now.

When I lost it, I realized how much I depended on it. I was clingy. I was woken up to a truth I wish wasn't the truth. I thought I just wanted to have fun and try to be more open to people. Did I go to far? sweatdrop

...but anyways, after I got hit in the head with the bat of life, I started taking much more responsibility for myself. The precious thing I lost was my best friend. She dislikes me because I couldn't take care of myself if I could guess right.

I am a little impatient too, but I think that isn't a bad thing exactly. It's just annoying. I felt bad, I really did. I was in grieve for a while, and I think I am still, but the weight is a lot more lighter.

I have to thank her though for the wake up call. If I kept sitting in a comfortable spot, I think I will struggle real deep in life; much more deeper than I am now.

So instead of falling in a deep hole of hell, I decided to get on my feet this time and try to take care of what I must do for myself. Doing my chores, getting my drivers learning completed, getting into good habits, breaking the bad ones, make goals for myself, and be open.

If I can tell the world that I can take care of myself, then I will feel better. I am still far off, and I want others to be honest with me. What am I lacking? The whole reason why I didn't know is because there are a lot of soft hearted people who keep the truth to themselves.

I learned that you have to be tough in order to make someone else tough. You survive better that way. I am highly sensitive, so I am ready to take that criticism that no one likes.

I am changing rapidly unlike any time in my life. I want you all to cheer me on! I just want to be happy again, but this time have a good reason other than trying to cling to a cushion.