"I love you...but I mostly just hate you."
Caleb and I use to have debates about how Claire is changing. Was it for the better...or the worse? We knew in our minds that the only way to find out was to wait and see.
I have waited. And I have seen.
At first, she only slowly began talking to me less and less. She'd found other friends. Replacements. I've seen her outside of school only about...twice? Since we started back from Christmas break.
Tommy and Caleb both told me that they'd spoken to Claire and she was under the impression that I was mad at her about something, and therefore not talking to her.
So, I attempted to re-establish a connection. I would ask her if she wanted a ride home from school or I would invite her over for study dates or to sleep over on the weekends. All the stuff we use to do when we were close. She would usually accept the rides home and the study dates but when it came down to the weekends she would make the plans with me and then always cancel later because she'd made plans with someone else.
Eventually, I gave up on trying to make a connection that wasn't there.
Then she started inviting me to webcam with her. When we would talk on webcam she would tell me about everything going on with Tyler and all her other friends. She told me about Kay's party, and about how she ended up falling asleep with this guy. She also told me that she and Tyler had been on webcam a lot lately, and that she had stripped for him, and that he had also done things for her. Things like what Caleb and I had done together. Then she told me how Tyler was planning on breaking up with Anna so that he could sleep with Claire, and then get back with Anna.
When she told me this, I was concerned. She wasn't saying it as if she were going to reject him. I knew she'd say yes. She'd even said to me one day, "But seriously, don't you ever get tired of being a virgin? I mean, we're sixteen. Sixteen." I said no. We are sixteen. What's sixteen out of the 90 or so years we're gonna live? Nothing. That's what that is. That was the most idiotic statement I've ever heard come from her lips.
Then I found out about how she'd been drinking a lot, buying her alcohol from a guy at school.
And how she'd taken dieting pills that she didn't need, and had an episode in the middle of her math class where Tommy had to take her out of the room and sit with her on the stairs.
Then she told me about how she'd been called to counseling and they diagnosed her with three different disorders.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder.
Acute Annorexia Nervose.
And Binge Eating Disorder.
When she told me about these her exact words were, "I don't even care. It's worth it. At least I'm skinny."
I said, "I find it sadder that you don't care, than I do that you have the s**t in the first place."
Then the little conflicts between us started.
One day she asked me if I knew who 'Snooky' was. I said no. Then she called me stupid for not watching a damn tv show that was so 'in' at the moment. Wow, Claire. Way to sound just like the people we use to hate. Conformist.
One day I was sitting in the commons at lunch with my usual lunch buddy, Logan. And I saw Claire, I stood up and excitedly ran over to give her a hug (I have no idea why after all of that *points up*) and I accidentally brushed her sleave off of her shoulder a bit. She snapped at me for stripping her in public. Wow, Claire. Way to greet someone who was actually happy to see you.
Stuff like this happens often now, whenever I'm around her. She'll generally insult me over something stupid or snap at me, and then brush me off to the side while she talks to one of her other friends.
I avoid her as much as possible, I talk as little as possible.
Too bad she's in two of my classes, and still asks for rides home all the time.
Claire's not my Claire anymore.
I don't know who this person is.
