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Snow piled higher than my head, ice as black as the road glistening only in the cold rays of the ever shy sun, wind that rips through me like dozens of tiny blades, and me only in capris, crazy socks, and a zip up gray sweater, standing in the whirlwind of snowflakes that pelted around like razor-edged pebbles, smoking my morning cigarette. Winter was crazy in Minnesota. One never knows what to expect but it's going to be a long, belated winter. I needed winter garbs, but in the process of losing weight, I am reluctant to spend what cash I had on clothes when I'm confident I would lose more weight by the end of this month. I was for sure that I didn't need more clothes to stuff in my "fat clothes" box at the end of the day. Fashion these days sucks!! As it had for the past couple of years. I can't seem to find anything I like anymore and jeans, don't even get me started! I've had my favorite pair of jeans for years and it's finally seeing the last of its days. crying Like lovers, it's so hard to find the pair of jeans that fits just so. Lately, people have been trying to set me up on blind dates, acting as though I was getting old and desperate and needed help finding that "significant other". rolleyes I'm not THAT old. PUH-lease. I may not be old on the outside but I've lived a lifetime inside. I've cut a swathe through guys and girls in high school and now I am tired of the dating game. What more do I have to say to make them understand that I am NOT INTERESTED in love at this moment. Become a nun? J/K... Maybe it would be nice to be surprised by love once in a while... Hehe, or maybe not. I really don't like surprises. Friends I can do. I can never have too many friends, and when I mean friends, I mean friends. People who'd be there to give advices to and so on and not just nonchalant avatars that hang listlessly beneath my friends list. (No offense meant.) But some times I wonder, can you really be friends when there's a part of you that you've never shown, a darker, more sinful side of you, so minuscule in proportion when compared to the everyday side but there nonetheless, lurking beneath your skin, a shadow thump of your heartbeat, a tiny sigh beneath each breath. Can you truly be friends with someone, when you're hiding something like that? I wonder.
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