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1. I've been asking myself a lot of questions about some things lately. At what point does "I said I would, so I will" become unreasonable? I mean, not only with more negative things like ignoring someone, but also with things that should be happier.... does it become too much when the decision that was made no longer brings satisfaction or happiness? What if that decision brings happiness to another, but not to yourself? What then? What do I feel? Is what I'm feeling reasonable? How much should I be allowed to take for granted? Effort... is it equal on both sides... equal to the value of the result? What is the result? How far should something be taken? What determines the value of a human being? What should determine my choices? At what point does something being done of my own free will become a duty or obligation that I impose on myself?

2. I've never been a person to take words lightly. If you've read my writing or known me for an extensive amount of time you'll know this about me. I generally try my best to be honest about how I feel and I try to stick to my words as much as I can when it comes to matters of the heart. I dislike lying. Frankly, I think this is a really good trait, especially in a world where promises are rarely kept anymore. But too much of a good thing is bad.... right? Okay, admittedly I do lie sometimes to save other's feelings, but I try not to stray too far from the truth with those lies, too. I'm not an angel.

3. It's almost christmas break. That's awesome, right? I get to see my boyfriend and we'll spend almost a week together. That'd be a good christmas even without the gifts. I get days off... good food... family... friends... gifts. Life is good.... right?

4. I'm not a particularly dependent person. To be honest, I think I do pretty well on my own and I'm certainly not the type to need companionship every second of my day. But I'm entering college. I'm growing up. And that's scary. In grade school and high school there was always someone to tell me what classes to take and what to do... but now I have to decide for myself... and this is a lifetime decision I'm making.... I want to be able to look back on the choice I made and say,"I'm glad I did that... I'm proud of myself for the path I've chosen." This is the first super major decision I've made for myself... and it's a little scary. I don't want to grow up. But I'll be alright. Life always works out for me one way or another. I'm surrounded by wonderful and supportive people. I don't come from tough circumstances and I don't have siblings to cause me trouble. I'll be fine.

5. I'm a selfish person. I know this. But I also know that I'm not really all that selfish. I'm a conflicted mix. Just like how I am with everything else. For example, when faced with two food items that aren't equal, I'll always give the better one to my friend. I don't like spending money on people, but when I do I'm not stingy about it. I try to pay attention to others and be nice. I think my expectations are some times too great, though. Something that seems easy to me, like paying attention and talking about little stupid things, may not be easy for the person I'm talking to... so... for me to expect them to do the same might be seen as unreasonable... right? But, at the same time, I also think that I should be allowed to expect such things from certain people, right? I mean, I do it, so they should at least put in the effort to do it too. But that's also an issue. I can't tell whether someone is putting in effort or not. Especially online. This causes many difficulties and much angst. I'm not really big on doing favors for people who don't do anything for me, either.