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First of all, the title of this entry was not stolen from a Mors Principium Est song at all. Although, I am currently listening to Eluveitie's Primordial Breath instead, but that's irrelevant....
I've felt very scatter brained lately, and I need a moment to get my thoughts together. I have been plagued by school work of late. Though, I only have one final essay to write and a test or two, and then I am finished with this semester. Then what? I guess it'll be back to quiet reading and composing in my room in between walking around this quiet town. My life is boring and I am terrified that I will be trapped within the confines of routine. I need to break free somehow.... I should start bothering my close friends more and practicing with the fragments of my band. Though, other thoughts control the deeper aspects of my life at the moment.
I keep thinking of my future. What do I hope to achieve and what will I do throughout life? Either way, whether I achieve greatness or struggle through the battles of the humble, it seems a very lonely life. My distaste for people has closed me off from speculating anything personal, and that saddens as well as angers me. I have woven my mind into cutting off all attachments if I pursue a world outside of my own, even though all those around me will probably leave as well. It seems like everything I know will wither with the passing of time, and that is very bittersweet. I don't want to lose the few important things and people in my life, but at least there is something to lose.
I'm not making sense to myself, but that is why I have not been able to keep a level head. It is always a pursuit of what comforts me at the moment and what I need to believe to keep from losing hope at that time. It is the ultimate price for being human.... The need for humanity's recognition. What a foolhardy existence.