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He doesn't ever pick up on the signs , or hints and ironically when i tell him he doesn't hear.
he has no clue how much s**t i'm going through right now, and how much i need him.
all my "friends" from the internet that know my number, and my "friend" sarah who transferred to a new school...they could all call. or actually talk to me on here.
: / i'm not acting depressed toward them when they talk to me. i ask how they are..etc etc.
yet they just ******** off and ignore me.
alright i understand..they are probably busy.
it really only takes a hello how are you i guess right?
you don't actually have to talk to me right?
....
so anyway,
i literally have NO ONE to talk to.
two week break from stupid boy must be fun for him and his boyfriend and new video game.
not so fun for me.
he doesn't read these so i'm concerned so much on his thoughts..hell..;] no one reads these so i'm not concerned at all.
Hey
so this week i got my science test back..i got a 75..-.-; i studied like hell i got everything down.
firstly he miss marked several things, they were correct, i havent checked all of them yet but there better not be more...
secondly he used words we did not see in the book, lecture notes or anywhere from his mouth. very CLEAR :
Thirdly, he told us to study specific things, not a ******** SINGLE ONE OF THOSE WAS ON THE TEST, AGAIN!
wee fun i love failing.
anyway
so i need to get to work on three papers for Tuesday, three finished b/w and one colored design for design. I missed Thursday last week because i had a super special mental break down.
i have nail marks on my face and bruises all over.-.-
wasn't pretty.
heart
oh yeah, that was right after stupid boy hung up the phone wasn't it? -reminiscing-
so stupid gets to go masturbate to porn and video games, ******** his boyfriend and he really thinks he can come back in a week. silly thing.
silly silly thing.
:
so, more papers to write..oh shoot i forgot soemthing
my mom has this boyfriend thing..
it's mostly annoying because she thinks she has me fooled or something.
riighhtt , talking about him like you dont REEAALLLY like him sure FOOLED me.
pish.
it's pathetic really, i'm not that ignorant you stupid.
oh and after i freak out, hmm..the first time a few weeks ago she kind of is like
oh well
i dont really like him, he likes me.
im starting to tell her to shut up in my head a lot more often.
:[
why am i still living with her you ask?
because there is litterrally no where to live around her and i can't afford to try anywhere right now.
-.-;
there are no jobs..jolly good. even if i got one right now for xmass time, all the money would go towards bills, cigarettes and food.
boy do i feel useful and resourceful and smart.
golly.
oh yeah
and she keeps saying we will go out somewhere, like a movie, sounds fun donnit?
wellll
every time she does now, she goes out with her :not really bf but he likes her thing:
oh yeah, and i get to sit at home for 6-8 hours sometimes at night.
i love it. i do mum, i ADORE sitting at home alone for hours with nothing to do when you promised i could go see a movie..or anything.
i RAVISH IN THE THOUGHT OF SITTING IN THE DARK ALONE FOR HOURS.
i'm getting all tingly just thinking about it.
so if she would stop pretending and thinking im a stupid cow, honesty might not be pretty but ******** you
you can't always be.
ok, so i have a lot of stuff to do, i have no one to talk to about it, i have no one even around in the house, hugs are nice you know..when was the last time i got one?
and the one person who ever calls me is on his boy rampage and has no clue how i feel because he never listens.
or maybe it's god saying, "nope you cant tell him because i say so betch."
gee wizz, this is looking good this month.
oh yeah! and i got a camera! oh my god was i happy<33 since my last one broke ugh i was so sad ;_;
oh what's this?
-tilts head to hear-
wait i cant hear lets caps lock it....
SHE SAYS LETS BRING IT BACK BECAUSE WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF MONEY! OH WELL ******** ME I SHOULD OF NOT BOUGHT IT, WAIT, YOU BOUGHT, OH WAIT
WITH MY LOAN MONEY
OH WAIT?!
all of this has been my loan money, what wrong with this picture?
lets count the ways...
1: last year took out one loan.
2: this year took out a super big one for two semesters, this one and spring.
3: it went pretty fast which is fine it got where it needed to go and we had some good-ish times.
4: whats this, oh yeah you have to pay back loans
5: i doubt you can pay them back mum, you have 50thousand $ in dept to YOUR school.
6: so i get to pay back for your cigarettes and dates and bills and food and the camera we have to return and everything we bought for you and me.
7: and you say you will "help" me pay it back..pish....right.
8: i didnt want to take out loans, i was clearly against it. can i sue her or something?
moving on.
so lets list things
1: Brandon is gone
2: camera is gone
3: havent been able to do anything fun because she is going out with someone else and she has all my money.
4:no friends
5: lots of work
6 surprised h yeah how fat i am has been bugging me too.
7: I am failing bio
8: I am writing on an online kids site journal.... that says enough.
im ******** alone and i didn't even try to be...wonderful.
:
i can't think of anything else.
good day.
 Never Ask Dante · Sun Nov 15, 2009 @ 02:39pm · 0 Comments |
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