"Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay."
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay."
~Robert Frost
It's been quite a while since I last lifted my pen to the pages of this journal... The ebullience of summer has long since begun to gradually and acquiescently fade into autumn.
Year after year, I have sought out the beauty of fall... Or at least, why it is so beautiful to me. Still, I cannot understand... Yet my vague and ambiguous knowledge is still somewhat of a comfort to my inquisitive mind.
What do I know already...? Well... I suppose that when I imagine fall, the first word that comes to mind is “rest”. Why...? Perhaps, autumn is a time of peace throughout the world... Whereas I myself am seldom at peace. I suppose I admire the Earth's ability to be reborn, after laying its aching body down to sleep.
And yet, do I want to lay down to sleep...? No, I don't believe I do. There is too much yet in store for me to accomplish, to attain, to fulfill... I have no time to rest. I cannot deny those who depend upon me my presence... I would never be able to swallow the guilt of leaving them, of shirking my duties.
Yet as I sit alone in this room, a room of friends, which I have probably not been in since I was ten years old... I begin to wonder why it is that I cannot be at peace. Yes, I have obligations and promises to fulfill, aspirations of my own... And for their sake, I cannot rest with the fall.
Ah, however... Something caught my eye just a moment ago, which changed my mind about everything.
My eyes and fingertips were mesmerized by the surface of a faded brown box, with dainty flowers painted meticulously upon it. Curiosity beguiling me of my senses, I lifted the lid carefully.
Music. A soft, gentle melody caressed my senses, soothing ears weary of the sounds of screaming, strife, and quarrel... I could not recognize the melody, at first... Yet suddenly, it occurred to me what it may be.
It was a melody that had mysteriously drifted into my mind, upon any occasion where I was absolutely miserable... Long ago in my childhood, it was always playing in the back of my mind, mystifying me, and assuaging my fears. It was a wistful melody, conjuring memories of sadness and comfort within me... I had never considered that it had a name, nor that it may have been outside of my own mind...
It was “Edelweiss”.
Finally, the melody had been discovered, no longer a haunting ghost of my past... Suddenly, although I didn't know the reason why, life had a meaning beyond “something to get through”.
Autumn is a time of rest... Yet not a time of death. Hearing the soft melody of my childhood affirmed this in me. I love the fall because it is a time of peace, and because it is a prelude to winter, which is followed by the beauty of spring. In the spring, the new will supersede the old... Yet the old will not be forgotten. This is how I want to be... I will be old, yet not forgotten. I want to be the peaceful, soothing memory to the hearts of those in pain, as fall is a time of peace and rest... I want to attain my goals not only for myself and others, but for the world. Once I have done so, I may finally find peace. That is my unspoken vow, as a vocalist, a friend, a future lover, and human being...
I will be the music box that sings forever.
Year after year, I have sought out the beauty of fall... Or at least, why it is so beautiful to me. Still, I cannot understand... Yet my vague and ambiguous knowledge is still somewhat of a comfort to my inquisitive mind.
What do I know already...? Well... I suppose that when I imagine fall, the first word that comes to mind is “rest”. Why...? Perhaps, autumn is a time of peace throughout the world... Whereas I myself am seldom at peace. I suppose I admire the Earth's ability to be reborn, after laying its aching body down to sleep.
And yet, do I want to lay down to sleep...? No, I don't believe I do. There is too much yet in store for me to accomplish, to attain, to fulfill... I have no time to rest. I cannot deny those who depend upon me my presence... I would never be able to swallow the guilt of leaving them, of shirking my duties.
Yet as I sit alone in this room, a room of friends, which I have probably not been in since I was ten years old... I begin to wonder why it is that I cannot be at peace. Yes, I have obligations and promises to fulfill, aspirations of my own... And for their sake, I cannot rest with the fall.
Ah, however... Something caught my eye just a moment ago, which changed my mind about everything.
My eyes and fingertips were mesmerized by the surface of a faded brown box, with dainty flowers painted meticulously upon it. Curiosity beguiling me of my senses, I lifted the lid carefully.
Music. A soft, gentle melody caressed my senses, soothing ears weary of the sounds of screaming, strife, and quarrel... I could not recognize the melody, at first... Yet suddenly, it occurred to me what it may be.
It was a melody that had mysteriously drifted into my mind, upon any occasion where I was absolutely miserable... Long ago in my childhood, it was always playing in the back of my mind, mystifying me, and assuaging my fears. It was a wistful melody, conjuring memories of sadness and comfort within me... I had never considered that it had a name, nor that it may have been outside of my own mind...
It was “Edelweiss”.
Finally, the melody had been discovered, no longer a haunting ghost of my past... Suddenly, although I didn't know the reason why, life had a meaning beyond “something to get through”.
Autumn is a time of rest... Yet not a time of death. Hearing the soft melody of my childhood affirmed this in me. I love the fall because it is a time of peace, and because it is a prelude to winter, which is followed by the beauty of spring. In the spring, the new will supersede the old... Yet the old will not be forgotten. This is how I want to be... I will be old, yet not forgotten. I want to be the peaceful, soothing memory to the hearts of those in pain, as fall is a time of peace and rest... I want to attain my goals not only for myself and others, but for the world. Once I have done so, I may finally find peace. That is my unspoken vow, as a vocalist, a friend, a future lover, and human being...
I will be the music box that sings forever.
