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-month 7-
After my long stay at Denalham, the palace seemed very strange. But it still felt like home. As I walked through the halls to the conference room, my resolve strengthened. This was where I belonged.
And also...I would never forgive Edward for his death.
I sat for a few minutes at one end of the large table until the King entered with two of his companions, whom I did not recognize.
"Alisyn," he greeted me formally, noting my much improved gown. "You look well."
"As well as I can," I admit. "And of course you seem to enjoy your throne." In fact, he looked nothing like the happy young Edward I'd married. He looked careworn under all his finery and his smile.
The formalities past, I went straight to the point that still rankled me most.
"Satisfied you've already spilled blood?"
"I offer my condolences for the loss of Lord Philip," he said at the same time.
We both stopped. I took a breath.
"Yes, your assassin meant for me took three other innocent lives. And you insisted on further disgracing them by displaying them publicly as traitors, when you are the traitor yourself."
My companions shifted uncomfortably, realizing I did know about the heads in the square. Edward just chuckled. How I hated him. I could barely remember loving him. How did I ever fall for him?
"No need to be so vehement already, Alisyn. I wanted to see if there was a way we could stop this needless slaughter and come to an agreement."
I stood up angrily. "Then give me back my throne! You are the one slaughtering! I am only trying to take back what is mine!"
But now Edward was not paying attention. His eyes were locked onto my protruding stomach, no longer hidden by the table as I stood.
"Are you--?" he gasped.
"Yes," I replied stonily. "I am expecting our third child."
For a minute, his face was wondering, and then it turned to a snarl. "I doubt it, somehow." He darted a glance at Sir Jacob, who colored and stood up beside me. "I beg your pardon--" he stuttered.
I put out a hand, and he sat back down while I talked calmly, my eyes a dark, angry green.
"Yes, it is yours, Edward." I stroked my stomach absently. "It is almost eight months old." My eyes glared accusingly.
Edward scowled. "As if that proves anything." But he seemed convinced.
Some long-forgotten emotion was stirring inside me. It scared me. It kept crying out, Why? Why? Why did you do this to me? Who are you, anyway? But I had to ignore it.
"So," I continued. "Are you willing to abdicate peacefully? Since we are apparently not married anymore, I could be lenient and let you return to your country."
The King looked suddenly uncomfortable. "I...I was hoping...Alisyn, I was thinking you would be my wife again."
What?!
The room was silent, while I struggled to speak through my anger. After he had just done all this to me? After he had just divorced me for another woman? Was he so self-assured, was he so shameless that he could ask me this ludicrous question?
But my angry rebuttal was suddenly choked off. I...
I wanted to say yes. More than anything. Why?
I closed my eyes. I would not make the same mistake again. I would not make Philip's mistake. I had to accept the fact that some people were just rotten, and stop handing out fifth chances.
He had killed Philip...
I opened my eyes, but my voice was much steadier than my resolve. "I cannot accept, Edward. I have moved on."
I sat down, and took Jacob's hand, forcing myself to look Edward in the eye. "Jacob has been...very kind to me. He and I...are engaged to marry."
Edward was visibly shocked. His face became bitter. "Then perhaps he had better take care for his life," he said darkly, looking at my fiance.
I could not stand it. "This is between you and me, Edward. Please, can we speak alone?"
He sulkily agrees, and I convince Jacob and Eric to leave the room.
Then I say haughtily, "Why are you so angry, Edward? You are the one who abandoned me. Jacob has only ever helped me."
"I abandon you? You're the one who abandoned me!"
"Edward! Give it up! We are alone! You of all people know that you cast me out of this palace!" I choked. Our voices kept rising.
He looked down then. "You abandoned me before that," he muttered.
I didn't understand. But I couldn't say anything. He looked...so sad...
Until his expression changed yet again. His green eyes stared right into me as he spoke bitterly. "You loved me more than you'll ever love him."
I blinked. Even all that time I thought I'd gotten over Edward, I had still wondered about the lack of passion between me and Jacob. I was sure I loved him...but it didn't feel like enough. Maybe pieces of my heart were still with my ex-husband. Maybe I was spoiled to love forever. Maybe I could never love anyone as much as I had once loved.
And Edward knew what he had done to me. But all my anger flew away before the realization that I did indeed still love him.
And yet I was still proud. He would never know that I had not cast him aside as a bad memory.
All these thoughts passed in a second before I laughed. "Believe that if you wish. Obviously we have nothing more to say to each other. I will stay for the customary meal, and then I shall leave. And when our child is born you can expect a declaration of war."
I whirled out of the room.
We did not talk much at dinner. There was a Lady Sylvia there and she monopolized all conversation, fawning all over the King. He largely ignored her and kept glancing at me.
I tried my hardest to laugh and ignore these glances, and not let jealousy creep into my voice. Eventually, we all gave up, and I had a nice conversation with Jacob on my own.
Near the end of the meal, someone appraoched our table. To my delight I recognized my sister.
"Alice!" I called. "I supposed you were ill or something. How wonderful to see you!"
"And you, too, dear sister," she smiled back at me, though there was a trace of permanent sadness in it.
The King was frowning at her, and he interrupted Lady Sylvia to say, "Lady Alice. The Queen and her escort were just leaving. Why don't you return to your rooms?"
She glared back at him, but I whispered, "Go, Alice. We will see each other again, soon. And when that day comes you won't be under house arrest in the palace."
She smiled obligingly and went off after darting another dirty look at Edward. I stood up.
"You are right. I was just thinking of leaving. Good night to you all and I wish you luck in preparing your army."
"Wait." Edward stood, then, which meant everyone had to stand who refused to stand for me. He walked to me and handed me something.
One of my royal jewels. A necklace.
"It's yours..." he muttered. "I just thought...you looked strange without any jewelry."
I tried to give him a disdainful look. But I fear he may have seen my face much softer than I meant it to be.
 LadyAlisyn · Mon Aug 03, 2009 @ 07:41pm · 2 Comments |
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