It happened two nights ago. I'm writing this from Sheila's house. Too bad she isn't here so we can talk. I really need her, but I have a feeling she really needs me too. Then again, she wouldn't come to me, she would go to Kelsey or Nathan. But how can I blame her? I am a bad influence. I'm probably the worst influence she's had in her life.
Why does she even talk to me anymore? At all?
I can't help but have this guilty feeling, a deep one, that says, "Hey you ******** screw up, now, not only does your life suck, but look, now someones elses is horrible too you grotesque monster."
I wish someone could really understand, get down to a point. I want eveeryone to feeel it! All the pain and sufering, the ander and hate, sadness and sorrow; everything! All of the feelings I can't stand to hide.
But, I know, as with everything, if I were to show my true feelings and prove how ******** up I was to the world, no one would care enough to listen or help sort things out. They'd take me aside like a child and treat me as insane.
I'd become nothing more than a statistic in a book, a number in an equation, a piece of some horrible expermiment. You know, the kind where eveyone that participates is already hated, so it doesn't matter what you do to them.
You cuold cut them up, shoot them up up, hell even ******** blow them to pieces and no one would notice.
That's how I feel. As if someone could take me away and no one would notice. And even if they did notice, their lives are hectic enough, so they'd maybe mourn for what would seem a second then go on with their fast paced, yet dully lived lives...
That is...
Until the next 'friend' of theirs is taken and killed, or raped, or beat or hit by a semi...
You know, the other crazies like me...
So now, this is where I say good-bye and you stop reading. I'll continue with my dull life and likewise for you. If you were crazy enough to acctually read this and finish it ad are reading this part now, I must commend and thank you.
Atleast you cared enough to read, but now, maybe in a few hours really, you'll forget about this, and me, and everything will be back to normal.
Right?
