i cheated on my bf again
for the second time..
-.-;
i guess..honestly..
i got used to being the second girl or the worthless gf
the one who didnt really matter but was there to keep them happy when they needed it.
and i stupidly confused those situations with ours.
somewhat.
but really.
i ******** up.
i thoughtlessly went and cyber ******** this guy [same one] again
brandon already hated him
well
hell
i guess it's who i made myself so i wouldnt get hurt. like
a back up plan.
i used people to make me feel better when the guy i was with would cheat on me..or hurt me.
or physically abuse me.
ive been with brandon for two years and a few months.
holy s**t..that is amazing to me.
and once..when i was really angry and i thought we were done.
and i felt hurt.
i panicked
and did something with this stupid guy.
who took it like i cared about him.
and was a big a** mistake all around..because one
brandon and i worked it out..
two
i could have just talked about it instead of residing to my old self.
this time though.
i didnt think anything.
i just saw someone was online
and made a choice to type s**t out.
i panicked again
two years.
i didnt know what to do with myself.
it's not what i used to
so i got scared.
i guess..
and now
i dont want to be with Brandon.
and im sure he thinks its because of leaving him for some douche or w/e the ******** he thinks
it's pretty clear after reading that.
im not
i just dont want to be with you.
i dont want to get confused
and scared
and feel hurt and panic like that
i do not
want to do anything wrong
i dont ******** want to feel doubtful of you or myself.
which i will now because i cant trust you right now either.
after what i did.
i dont want to panic and ask if you want to break up, everytime i get scared.
im so sick of getting scared in this stupid relationship!
im too ******** scared of losing you
but im too scared to be with you
and im ******** terrified of hurting you and yet i do..
i just am..
confused
i dont know what to do brandon.
i just dont.
 Never Ask Dante · Sun Jul 05, 2009 @ 06:09pm · 1 Comments |
