I really have to say my father is pissed me off to the point of no return. And the sad part is no matter how hard I keeping trying to hate him, I can't. He pretty much lied to me. Said he was going to change and all this other bullshit and my mom tells me he's said it all before. But because I'm stupid, I tried to believe in him. And now just yesterday he picked a fight with me! Just because he couldn't with my mom and I told him she was busy. He was dumping his emotional baggage on me. And not to mention, he might be going to jail for not paying Child Support for like a certain amount of days, I think. And he blames my mom saying that she pushed them when she's tried to get money out of him for 10 years but she finally stopped. So she had nothing to do with this and you know. I'm sick of it. I've gotten to the point where it's just like if he doesn't want to pay for my sister and I then you know keeping your ******** money and walk away.
Because I'm tired of it. I'm tired of trying to kill myself and getting upset because I keep trying to believe in him. He asked me, of all people, for marriage advice several months ago! I'VE NEVER BEEN MARRIED. Wtf am I going to know?! I was just telling him stuff I know about how women feel.
And it kills me. It hurts a lot. Because he dumps this s**t on me and I fight with him and all it does is upset me. And honest to God, I realized that my sister started acting like a huge b***h when his life started getting all ******** up.
It was the last day of school today and the graduation thing is starting now...Not that I'm actually there. I wish. But anyways, it's summer coming up and my father guilt tripped me or tried to because I wasn't coming up because I want a job. And to get my permit. And because I just really don't feel like going up there this year. And what do I get "Please please please come up. I really want to see you two." And spoken in the saddest voice he can make. I am so sick and ******** tired of his bullshit.
He's hurting me. And it's getting close to the point where I end up drawing the line and saying 'Enough is Enough' but you know I'm a nice person and I really dont' like to hurt people so I've been you know, a lot nicer. Because I can't hurt people that I love. Honestly, if someone told me to break up with someone I love, it would be impossible. I couldn't do it.
But I think I'm going to go eat Toast and Oatmeal for dinner so....Adios para ahora. Quiero un verano normal y divertido pero....Tengo un sentimiento mal. Yo no se. Estoy cansado y feliz escuela es terminado.
:/
Adios! burning_eyes
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