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I died
once before,
in the vastness
of the afflictions
in my past.

I remember
it all too
clearly,as if
it had happened
only moments before.

I walk
forward on the cold stone,
to my death,bare foot,
naked,
burned,
bruised,
and beaten.

The manacles
clamped around my
ankles and wrists,
the heavy,and cols iron,
rough and rusted on the
inside,they rip through
my flesh and muscle,
digging to the depths
of my bone.

My head
sunken,drowned
in my own
immense oceans
of anguish
and sorrow.

My eyes
sealed shut,
as I try to
remember if I
was ever happy,
or if I even know
what happiness feels like?
Unfortunately my only answer is
no.

They haul
me up to,and into
the pillary,the
weathered wood
sending splinters
into what mangled
flesh I have left.

I break
the seal,
and open
my painfuly
weighted eyelids.

The abrupt
light blinds my vision,
temporarily,as my eyes
refocus I see the crowd.

The crowd
hurls stones at
my broken body,
shouting curses,and
profanity toward me.

My executioner
swings his sharpened
axe upward in preperation,
but as I gaze upon
his face I realize
my executioner is...
my executioner is me.

My final
moments move by
too slow,yet
also too fast.

I take
my last look at my
surroundings,and notice
the furious hatred blazing
in the crowd's eyes,practically
seething from their bodies.

Then
I look at my
executioner's eyes,my eyes,
and see the same hatred,
even as the blade of
the axe comes down upon my head.
Darkness.
Yes I killed my soul.

Darkness.
I wander alone
in the dark abyss
of death.

But God
sent me
my guardian angel,
and she guided me
through the darkness,
and into my love's arms.

My love
I found
my connection
with God
within you.

In fact
anything good
about me today
like my faith,
my heart,
my devotion,
was found within
her,at that moment.

At that
moment I turned
to God,and accepted
Him into my heart,and
He forgave me for
all of my heinous sins,
then He ressurected my
soul,and allowed me
to serve Him gladly.

I love
you my love,
and yes,even you
my guardian angel,
for you guided me
to my love,but most
of all I love you
God,for you have done
more for me,and everyone,
then anyone can claim.