and I know I'm an idiot.
I had waited so long...
The days of dreaming, "What would a conversation be like with him? A smile? A hug? A kiss? Love?"
Silly thoughts, flowing harmlessly through my mind...Until those dreams became lucid ones.
A year. A whole year and I get what I wanted.
It's over now.
He says
I mean a lot to him
But it doesn't seem so when I see him around school, when we had hid out relationship from others.
"Do you trust me?"
He asked me seriously. He asks me questions that desire an honest answer in a very solemn tone.
"yes." I answered with the same stable flatness of my voice.
can he trust me....does he love me....
He called me on the phone
after we did what we did
I had lay on his bed that afternoon.
And he called me and said "My pillow smells like you."
And like a hopeless idiot, a hopeless fool, I wondered if that night, he slept on that pillow and thought of me.
I wonder if he misses me.
'cause I do. A lot.
The way we would stare into each other, and my lips would pull into a small smile and then drop. He'd mimick me. His hand would go up to my face as we shared the closeness of one another, the feeling of another person's cheek against yours. The feeling of someone lying to you and telling you that they loved you.
I guess it was just because we were both the same kind of lover that the relationshit worked for all of two minutes. We need to feel needed....He felt needed by someone who needed it.
My heart feels a little lonely. Everytime my phone gives its short vibrates, I hope the display screen reads his name. Those days are not to be anymore. Not anymore.
I wonder if in the future, he will change his mind. I know how I feel about him. I know how he feels about me. Maybe it's just.....not.....time....yet....
Possibly maybe. (Probably not...)
I know, I'm a hopeless loser.
I've decided that love just isn't for me. it's much safer and much more satisfying to wish and hope.
Wishing and hoping. Hah, the only verbs a lazy person will ever use in their lives.
x Aihpos x Community Member 
|
|
