Life, as beautiful as it sometimes is, sucks. Espescially at the point I'm at. 19 years old, graduated high school last year, and still no college applications out. Maybe I could get in if I applied; I've been told serving in Americorps, and City Year in particular, looks awesome on an application. But I have a hard time believing that it will blot out what my transcript shows, the smart, unapplied kid who dicked around in class, didn't do homework, and aced tests, barely scraping up a 2.something-less-than-5 GPA by graduation. So now I'm stuck finding a job in a horrificly bad economy, with the worst damn unemployment in decades, or enlisting as battles continue in the middle east, and the whole drug war in Mexico escalates into an actual ******** war.
And to top s**t off, I get dumped. That was almost a month ago, but it still hurts. She was my first girlfriend, and we'd been together for 3 years. That's a long time, particularly for the first one. I...I almost don't know what to do without her, she's been a part of my life for that long. But I work so much, and just continue with life, and try not to brood like I am now. It's like picking at a mental scab; left to it, you only make the wound worse.
All in all, I just feel lost. Everything just keeps happening around me, and I get caught in the current, a leaf on the river with no way to stop myself. I'll have a cigarette or write, go for a run now the weather's nice, and the spinning slows a bit, but I still don't control where I'm taken; my habits just help me unwind a little better.
On the plus side, the IRS owes me 700 dollars, which I should get in about 2 weeks. So at least I'll have a car by next month, and can share of the misery with my family, not just my friends. That's a ways off for now though, so I'll just take a cigarette and some sleep for now.
View User's Journal
chris's journal of whatever the hell i think of.
 |
