|
|
|
He waited. He waited as he had waited every year before. He had hope that with each passing moment his courage would grow.It was cold. He had been standing alone in the cold phone booth for thirty minutes with no sign of progress. He wanted to be alone as the old life he worked so hard to separate himself from slowly crept into his thoughts. He knew he needed to make the call, but the pain, the fear of rejection, had a firm grip on his mind. He picked up the phone, the dial tone was daunting. He held back the tears as he pushed the numbers.
Eight... he didn't need a phonebook. Six... the number was engraved in his mind. Seven... Each number became more difficult to dial. Five... Every process in his body was telling him to quit. Three... it had been one year to the date since he used this number. Zero... But the pain, the memories he worked so hard to detach himself from, why did he need to resurface them. Nine... That was it, all he had to do now is to stay on the phone.
As soon as he heard the first ring, he hoped no one would answer. He hoped that the number had changed, that he mis-dialed. The second ring brought hope, maybe he could just say what he had to in a message.
"Hello?" the voice came over the phone. He knew the voice, he choked back the tears. "Is anyone there?" The voice continued.
The silence was deafening. Fighting the emotion, he replied, "... mom?"
A wave of happiness and relief poured through the receiver as the woman began to cry. When he heard this, the emotional pressure built up inside him escaped in a brief sob. He choked back the tears. Nothing needed to be said in this moment, the tears on both ends said it all.
Trying to compose herself in fear of losing her son to the silence, the mother said, "It's so good to hear your voice," she could hear him fighting to maintain composure, "why don't you come back home... or visit... or just come to see us." Still sobbing, "we miss you."
He sniffled and interjected, "I find that hard to believe, you disowned me, remember?" The pause in her response brought back the pain of his past.
"... I... I'm sorry," she humbly stuttered, "but you know I'm sorry. I've beaten myself up every day for it.. can't you forgive me?" She began to cry again, this time out of regret.
"I know you're sorry, but is he?" he said referring to his father.
Through her tears she interjected, "you know he would never admit it, but he is. Doesn't it say in the bible to turn the other cheek, to love others as you love yourse-"
"Don't pull that s**t on me," He growled. "Tell me, what in the bible does it say about making your kids feel like s**t and physically abusing them for their choices? What does your god say about that, huh?"
"Don't do this to me," She pleaded, "not today, not in the first conversation we've had in a year."
He forced himself to calm down, "I'm sorry, aside from him, how are you all?"
She knew he didn't care about the response but for the sake of conversation, responded anyway, "john's doing great in school, he'll graduate next semester; Lisa's still doing soccer, she's gotten real good at it; but enough about them, what's going on with you?"
"I'm still making it over here, somehow. I got a job, I'm a real professional artist now." He said as if trying to prove her wrong.
"I'm glad for you," She paused, he could tell she was struggling to ask the next question, "Are you and... steve... still together."
He didn't want to answer in fear of proving his mother right, "no, actually... we broke up two months back... I know you're happy to hear that."
"No matter how much I disagree with your decisions, I would never wish any bad on you," she argued. "I love you and wish only happiness for you."
"I just wish you had decided that sooner." He paused. "I just wanted to call to wish you happy birthday and to let you know I'm still alive."
His mother began crying, "I'm sorry. Isn't that enough? I love you and-"
He hung up the phone and held it there for a minute. It was cold, he had been in the phone booth upwards of thirty minutes. He was crying. He collapsed on the floor.
 haruki_jitsunin · Tue Feb 24, 2009 @ 12:49pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
