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Okay, in response to the question you ask on your profile baby, in my last moments I'd think about my entire life. I'd tell my dad that i hated him for not being there for me, then hug him tighter than ever and cry in his arms. I would tell my mom that i forgive her for all the disputes we've had, and all the distance between us. I'd tell momma that she is the one adult who I've ever trusted and loved with all my heart. I'd tell Trey that i was sorry for leaving him, and breaking my promise. I'd tell him that I loved him and that he is my best friend. I'd eat fruit loops while swimming in a pool filled with pancakes on the roof with him one last time. I'd tell him that he is one of the most important people in my life, and I'd cry while hugging him goodbye. I'd tell Jessica, Hannah, Van and Alex that they are the coolest chicks EVER and i was gonna miss them. I'd forgive everyone whose ever wronged me, except Alisha. Even at deaths door, that wouldn't happen. I would tell Jay that I was kidding when I called him a lap dog and I loved him. I would scold Mike and Aaron for never texting me. *hint hint* I'd play dinosaur and mock spongebob with Luke and Hug Anthony till he couldn't breathe. And I dont know how I'd handle my goodbyes with Adam. I would thank all of you for everything you have done, you've all changed my life. But most of all...I'd think about my savior, gaurdian angel, love of my life, Joseph Bayless. I'd think back on my life before meeting Joey...I was a wreck. I didnt have any plans, any path, any future ahead of me. I was a hoe and at that time, I would of proudly admitted it. I didnt know what love felt like. I was always attracted to pain and misery. I didnt want a guy to be nice to me. Because then i second guessed myself. I wanted to be hurt, to pity myself. I was abused as a child and pain was all I knew. I was comfortable with it. Then I met him. No, to answer all questions, Its not like the movies, no glow radiated from him, the only music playing was my cd in the sterio behind me, but, even without all that I knew. I knew that he was different...he wasn't like other guys. He was...sweet. I had never met anyone who was so smart and calm and always knew exactly what to say, no matter what the situation was. I started going to him for help instead of people I had known my whole life. If i had a problem he seemed to know before i even did. He fascinated me. I wanted to know more and more. I wanted to see the world through his eyes, his beautiful eyes. I wanted him, I wanted him more than anything in the world. I wanted to try him on, I wanted to walk in his shoes, I wanted to share his pain, and his joy. I wanted to bring him joy. For the first time in my life, I hoped and prayed for something! I talked about him to anyone and everyone who would listen. I had never wanted someone to love me so bad...and I thanked God every night that I knew him. If nothing else I could of died and been happy, only knowing him. I cried so hard every night, I thought about him every second, I saw him when I closed my eyes and when I slept. The only problem was I didnt know how or when to tell him. I wanted to just come right out and scream to him and the world I LOVE YOU! But, my broken heart was pulling itself apart. I felt like someone was twisting and turning my heart inside my chest. I choked back tears and bit my tongue for so long. Then one night, I just...couldn't do it anymore. I wanted him to know, I wanted the world to know. I love him more than anything, and even though my heart was aching and I tried to keep it inside, I told him under the stars that night. I told him everything, even though I know he knew. Somewhere in his heart he knew. I waited months for him, I wont lie, those months were some of the most painful, but best months of my life. Then came my turn. My turn to love him, my turn to be a part of his life, my turn to show him and myself that I could love without hurting. It was my time, and I can honsetly say to this day, that even though our relationship is far from perfect, I never want my turn to end. I want to see him everyday of my life. I love you Joey. And you have changed my life. You saved me. Thats what i would think, and say.
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