I've just gotten into a deeper level of thinking lately. Thinking too damn much is a better way to put it. Listening to the music I like, smoking, drinkin' doing all those things that I couldn't do in my old controlling relationship with Bryan... I'm so happy and relaxed, I feel like I can actually have the freedom to do what I want and it's ******** insane.. Everything is amazing... All these new experiences, I was in a shell for so long, now... even though there are many new experiences I want to try but am not going to, the ability to do them now actually gives me a sense of being again. I was like a caged animal and Eric has made me realize it. I know me and him aren't going to have anything serious EVER but being with him has opened my eyes wider than they ever have been before. I'm 18 years old, 19 soon and my entire life is in front of me. It's this tremendous feast and I finally got a fork. I can't believe just a few months ago, I was going to get married and have children this year. I know I broke Bryan's heart in the process but honestly, it's better for both of us. This way we can truly figure out who we are and what we're going to do. Even though Eric is a home recker, I needed him to do this to me, so I'm glad we had sex that night. If we didn't, I could have potentially been making the worst mistake of my life. Sure (even though no one wants to hear this) me and Bryan might get back together some day, because I know his love was genuine, he was a self centered p***k, so maybe this will make him change and everything could go back to the way it used to be. I don't really think that will happen but if it does we can start dating again.
I started writing again, slowly... but surely I will start putting myself out there like I used to. Hahaha. (No, not in that way) So yeah, I'm going to draw now.. Be back later.
 Bunn-eh · Tue Jan 13, 2009 @ 07:05pm · 0 Comments |
