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Okay i's christmas eve and i'm just not in the spirit like i was when i was like 7. It just feels like any other day just like it did on my b-day. It was like it was my b-day but i just didn't feel like anything even though i was now a whole year older. Nothing feels special anymore.

Anyway the real reason i'm posting this is because i need to vent and i guess maybe to get some opinions. First off i feel like s**t from getting my third cervical cancer shot which apparently is supposed to be the most painful. Therefore I want to say i'm sorry to Kasumi for touching your arms after you got your shots. I never really meant to hurt you and i hope all those back massages made up for some of the pain i caused. Secondly i can barely type without being shot with pain. i'm not even talking to my bf cuz it hurts so bad. So how i can type this and yet not be able to talk to my bf you might ask well i'll tell you. you see every time i talk to him i start getting all giddy and fangirly which includes me jumping around acting like an idiot which of course would kill.

it's times like this where i wish i had at least a little self control cuz i really want to talk to him.

Thirdly I don't know where to go with the poem i'm writing and it pisses me off that i'm too stupid to come up with something good to write down on the freaking page. Kasumi says i should submit it somewhere when i'm done too but i don't know if i want to. I might post what have of it on here at some point. For the most part though life sucks even though i have my beloved orange soda by my side and i'm probably getting drunk tomorrow at my grandmother's.

My only savior through all this would have to be "eulogy" by Tool. I'm not sure why but it just seems to help. I also decided that it's the song that i want played at my funeral cuz even though i have a lot to say it usually means nothing.

I feel like s**t too though cuz i forgot my bf present yesterday and now my parents want to drive to his house so i can give it to him. I'm pretty sure they just want to see what he looks like so they can make fun of him some more though. i'm pretty sure that this is the real reason i feel like s**t for forgetting. I don't see why i can't just stay over Kasumi's and give it to him there. It would make things so much easier and not to mention less embarrassing.

Well i think that's it other than the fact that i really hate people right now.