A Haiku ~
Shadow the Hedgehog
Saved us all from certain death
Playtime is over
BONUS!!!
Sonic the Hedgehog Christmas List ~
Sonic the Hedgehog: New shoes. He’s been running around in the same pair
for the last 15 years or so. They are starting to smell worse then Rouge’s panties.
Miles “Tails” Prower: Puberty.
Knuckles the Echidnae: A security system for the Master Emerald, so he
doesn't have to worry about as much as he used to. He's been dropping hints
that Eggman Enterprises is having a sale on the new “iDiot eChidnae Master
Emerald Protection System.” It’s “guaranteed to not be a trap this time,” and is
a real "steal." Price wise, I'm sure.
Silver the Hedgehog: A good reason to stick around in the present, because
he's rapidly running out of excuses.
Amy Rose: Sonic as her loving husband. If that’s not possibly, a turkey baster
full of his seed will suffice. (NOTE: Ask Tails?)
Blaze the Cat: A map and a calender so she can finally know what
dimension/time period she’s in. Also, a pair of fire-retardant panties.
Maria Robotnik: A cure for NAIDS. (I might have dropped the ball on this one!)
Shadow the Hedgehog: He wants his girlfriend to be back. If this is
impossible, then he’d like someone else’s girlfriend to die.
Rouge the Bat: Jewels. Specifically, Shadow’s.
Omega: Total annihilation of all targets and a cozy sweater.
Metal Sonic: A "Tickle-Me-Tails Doll."
Jet the Hawk: Something EXTREME and if possible, to the "MAX."
Cream the Rabbit: A new father. Anyone will do.
Vanilla the Rabbit: A new lover. Anyone will do.
Dr. Eggman: A photo of his p***s. It’s been a long time since last he saw it.
Dr. Eggman Nega: A picture of Dr. Eggman’s p***s. It’s been a few days since
last he saw it.
Princess Elise: A few videos of some bestiality porn. For some reason, she’s
only attracted to small fuzzy animals. (No wonder she was rejected from the
Final Fantasy series!)
Sharhra the Ring Genie: Does it matter? She’s Muslim, so she probably won’t
be getting Christmas gifts.
Vector the Crocodile: New music for his headphones. He’s been listening to
the same Bon Jovi album since “Knuckles Chaotix.”
10 reasons why Sonic is Gay ~
1. Come on! Every time that sweet little piece of hedgehog tail, Amy Rose, tells him she wants his blue bod, he runs away!
2. It's obvious that "Station Square", his hometown, is San Francisco! Castro Street anyone?
3. I had a dream where he tried to have sex with me, and I kicked him in the face.
4. That whole "gotta follow my rainbow" crap in his theme music.
5. His best friend in a ten year old boy (Tails)!
6. I had another dream where he tried to have sex with Knuckles, and Knux kicked him in the face with his steal-toed sneakers. (Man, I need a pair of those!)
7. It's only logical. In the Saturday morning cartoon, Sonic lived in the Knothole village. If you take out the word "knot" and replace it with the word "butt", he'd live in "Butt-hole".
8. The guy who did Sonic's voice in the cartoon was Steve Urkel. 'Nuff said.
9. He's supposedly the world's fastest supersonic hedgehog, yet at no point in Sonic Adventure 2 does he run up and cop a cheep feel off of Rogue, as any straight dude would do.
10. The whole whacking off to Shadow thing right before becoming Supersonic in Sonic Adventure 2. (If you have not played the game, believe me--it's in there!)
10 Reasons why Shadow is cooler than Sonic ~
1. Shadow’s got rocket shoes! That’s so much cooler than Sonic’s stupid little jet-free sneakers.
2. Shadow, like the great Sean Connery, has bushy white chest hair. Sean Connery is so cool.
3. The lyrics to their music. Sonic’s has him “rolling around at the speed of sound”, and “following his rainbow”, while Shadow’s got “darkness inside”. Like Batman. Batman rocks.
4. Sonic hangs out with fourteen year old girls (Amy) and little boys (Tails), while Shadow chills with a dude in a mech-suite (Eggman) and a hottie with big knockers (Rouge).
5. The instruction booklet describes Sonic as the “World’s fastest super-sonic hedgehog”! What the hell is that about?! How many “super-sonic hedgehogs” are there?! I mean that’s like saying Magneato is the most magnetic magnetic mutant in the world. On the other hand, the booklet calls Shadow the “Ultimate Life Form”. That’s so much cooler. I bet Shadow could kick Magneato’s a**, too. Magneato would say “Mwah, ha, ha! I am the most magnetic magnetic mutant in the…”, but he can’t finish the sentence because Shadow slit his throat with some broken glass.
6. I once had a dream where Shadow and I formed a band, got really famous, and ran over Sonic with our tour bus. Then we got drunk.
7. Shadow gave his life to save us all, just like Jesus. Jesus can walk on water. Sonic can’t. Hence Shadow is cooler than Sonic.
8. Shadow came up with the idea of “Chaos Control”, which slows down time and allows you to move really fast. This was later stolen and used in The Matrix and The Matrix 2: Clockstoppers.
9. Shadow’s got red eyes, which means he either enjoys an occasional toke, or he’s a vampire hedgehog. Either way, he rocks.
10. I had another dream, where Shadow and I did it with Rouge. It was a three-way! An all animal three-way! And then we slit Sonic’s throat with some broken glass.
How the Shadow stole Christmas ~
'Twas the night before Christmas,
And from Angel Island to Green Hill,
All were jolly and joyous,
Awaiting the holiday thrill.
But high, high in the sky,
In a place call "The Arc",
Lived a hedgehog named Shadow,
Who was gloomy and dark.
He despised the whole Yule.
But why was Shadow so drab?
Life had just been so cruel
Since he was born in a lab.
Was it that he may be a clone?
Or that his girlfriend was shot?
His memories weren't his own.
He had been through a lot.
"I despise that Christmas mess,"
He said with conviction,
"I can't abide all that cheeriness,
It's an awful addiction."
"With their singing and laughing,
Their feasting and boozing!
Why should one be carousing,
When one could be brooding?!"
Then a sinister scheme,
Slipped into in his head,
Why should he be the one miserable,
When they could be miserable instead.
He would stop Christmas this year,
So they would know of his pain,
He would spread sadness and fear!
(He was just a tad bit insane.)
So he Chaos Controlled,
From the Arc in a flash,
To Station Square he rolled.
He'd settle their hash!
First off was Sonic,
Whom he though quite an a**,
Shadow stole all his rings,
And filled his sneakers with glass.
Next up was Tails' shack,
On this villainous spree,
He tossed his gifts in a sack,
And wrecked Tornados I, II, and III.
Poor Knuckles was sleeping,
When the Shadow had come.
The Master Emerald was lifted,
As he dozed on his bum.
Then the sneaky Sneak snuck,
All the way to Club Rouge,
And stole her new panties,
Since the others smelled used.
The Eggman was dreaming,
Sweet dreams of great glory,
When his Eggmobile was thieved
By something red, black and blurry.
What of the Team Chaotix?
Those three noble sleuths,
lost their Sega 32X,
While sleuthing for truths.
Out beyond Central City,
The Prez was all a'snooze.
Shadow egged the White House
And chugged all his booze.
He warped to the Black Arms comet,
Though outer space he did zoom,
He TP'ed their lawn,
And wedgied Black Doom.
He took the train to Lost Ruins,
And there arose such a cry,
Froggy was froggnapped,
And Big the Cat knew not why.
That crazy broad Amy,
Awoke just in time,
Just to see someone Pee-pee,
On her Sonic Love Shrine.
The last house he hit,
Belonged to Vanilla,
A tawdry dame rabbit,
In a cozy little villa.
But here is the place,
Oh that horrible sleaze,
Where our Hedgehog disgrace,
Met Cream and chao Cheese.
The bunny named Cream,
Was no more then four,
She awoke from a dream,
to see Shadow at the door.
With her chao by her side,
She approached the swift thief,
She had tears in her eyes,
Which filled Shadow with grief.
"Why, oh, why Mister Shadow,
Are you here in our house?
You have broken the window,
And torn mommy's blouse!"
He looked at the tot,
And felt like a heel,
His temper was hot,
But her sadness was real.
That doe-eyed little lass,
Made him feel like a p***k,
In the next instant to pass.
He saw Maria Robotnik.
He was filled with such shame,
And his rage soon was mild
As he saw his late flame,
In the face of that child.
"I beg of you, Sweetness"
Her voice echoed in his brain,
"Christmas is kindness,
"Not bringing others pain."
"But I have been wronged,"
The hedgehog retorted,
"For revenge I have longed,
And I'm just getting started!"
"You have missed the point,"
Maria said softly,
"There is more to this holiday,
Then tinsel and holly.
It's a lot of stress,
Making people jolly.
It's a frustrating mess,
Fraut with festive folly.
Disappoint and pain,
Mixed with pressure and tension,
Let alone the terrible drain,
When shopping is mentioned!
But we take it in stride,
And all act quit manic,
Because deep down inside,
We all yearn for some magic.
Life's b***h, they all say,
You know that quite well.
But for one single day,
We escape from that hell.
Call it fantasy,
Yes, it may be denial,
Don't you want to be happy,
If just for a while?"
Shadow had been wrong!
He had now seen the light.
He'd missed the truth all along!
He must set everything right.
With jet-shoes a'blazing,
He returned all the loot,
He fixed all he'd broken,
As fast as could scoot.
Sure Cream would need therapy,
And Amy's rug stank of pee,
But as the morning mist cleared,
Christmas came for all to see.
Shadow watched as spirits soared,
From his lonely home, the Arc.
They giggled, danced, and poured.
And for once he felt a bit less dark.
He misjudged the season,
He pondered with a smile.
This joy's for good reason:
It makes suffering worth while!
If you always felt low,
all the time that you had,
How would you know,
The good from the bad?
Also in youtube form! (Not mine)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDqec_G7ehI
Like a flame thrower in a Chinese fireworks factory, Shadow the
Hedgehog perhaps burned too brightly, too quickly. Especially
when he combusted in Earth's atmosphere. Shadow did not die in
vain. Each of us can find wisdom and insight in the life of this
martyr with rocket shoes. Long Live the Glory of Shadow the Hedgehog!!
Note : None of the writing made by me :p
Community Member
i like the christmas song :3 mrgreen
~ily heart