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Thanksgiving--a letter to God |
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It just occurred to me how amazingly different I am this Thanksgiving. Was it really only this time a year ago that I was fed up with trying to deal with life and insecurities and doing the right thing and everything else? That at some terrifying moments I just wanted to stop existing? That I prayed repeatedly and desperately for help without any real faith that it would ever come?
The most amazing thing is, I don’t even know what or when it happened. All I know is that your work in my life this past year is incredible. Suddenly I’m still me, but with a totally different perspective on life. It’s mind-blowing. Thank you so much for carrying through even after I’d gotten impatient and given up on you.
My faith has been strengthened so much, and I finally realize that prayer does work. I finally realize that when you say “your time” instead of “our time,” it really does mean that your time can take A LOT longer than our time. But that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.
So thank you.
Thank you for the deepening of relationships, and the many, many new ones you’ve thrown at me, and the relationships that have always been there for me even when I didn’t appreciate them: my parents, my friends, even friendly acquaintances. These definitely picked me up out of the hole I was in, and now are probably the greatest blessings of my life. I never believed you when you said that people NEEDED other people…but of course you were right after all.
Thank you for wiping away much of my insecurity. Thank you for the confidence, and the new perception of myself. Thank you for opening my eyes and letting me see that yes, people do love me, even if I occasionally do something wrong or annoy them—and no, it’s not just an act, or pity. Without this confidence I wouldn’t have been able to benefit from the relationships at all, because I wouldn’t have believed myself worthy of the love given to me, and so wouldn’t have believed it or accepted it.
Thank you for giving me the strength to handle everything. I know that without you I’d be stumbling with every bad thing life threw at me, and probably going down for good eventually. But with your strength I feel like I can bounce back from anything without too much fuss.
Thank you for strengthening my optimism, and giving me joy. I’ve always wanted the joy that everyone talked about, but didn’t really believe it existed. I thought people were just being pious…but now I understand. I’m happy nearly all the time now, not just when other people are around. My joy is sincere and from the bottom of my heart, not just a thin shell. Even when I’m upset over something, I know that joy in life is still there, and it will bring me back up. Thank you for teaching me the way to be joyful in literally all circumstances.
Thank you for—well, the lightening of my brain. Thank you for taking all the things I couldn’t help, that kept me up so long at night, that depressed me so awfully, and just taking them out of my mind. The way you did this is just amazing. Those worries felt like they were a part of me, and now… Thank you for making it so that now my biggest worries are as frivolous and normal as, well, boys. I can’t even begin to think of when you took these worries off my hands, without me even really asking for it, because of my lack of faith. Before I knew it I carried a much lighter burden. Just thank you so much. Another thing where you proved me wrong, and said, “Yes, I actually do take your cares away.”
And thank you for dispelling my doubts about the basics of Christianity that had been faintly haunting me for years. I now know without a doubt that you exist and everything you’ve said is true—that Christianity is not just a big mumbo-jumbo otherworldly irrelevant-to-real-life belief in something just because some random book says so. This is such a source of comfort to me.
Thank you for all the little things. Thank you for peppering our lives with little meaningless moments that make us smile for a few minutes before we forget about them. Thank you for caring about us in more than just the big things. So maybe hearing a certain song on the radio or waking up just in time for a beautiful sunrise or anything like that isn’t really important…but that’s what makes life awesome. These silly little moments are probably my favorite parts of life.
Finally, thank you for your Son. Thank you for his sacrifice, for giving us hope and removing our fear. Thank you for your love and care in spite of everything we do wrong, or every time we throw your gift back in your face. Thank you for just being amazing you.
Thank you for making this Thanksgiving so different and so much meaningful than it’s ever been before. I haven’t even covered all the blessings you’ve given me, or the truths that I've realized thanks to you. Just, thank you.
 LadyAlisyn · Thu Nov 27, 2008 @ 10:28pm · 1 Comments |
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